thinking about this scene: a thread

it is interesting (by which i mean — deliberate intentional meaningful) that this conversation happens when lwj is drunk, bc we learn later that lwj is at his most vulnerable and open when drunk, and says things he would not normally admit under usual circumstances

at first watch it’s jolting, bc the scene is otherwise so funny. but i think it is one of the first time lwj takes on greater depth, for us as viewers + for wwx as someone getting to know him. this is different from the cold stoic facade he has not let down once until this moment

“you’re going to be alone forever” is something wwx says lightly as a joke (his body language and tone of voice tell us it’s a joke) but lwj isn’t joking when he says “i know”

he really believes that he’s destined to be alone. he thinks he’s unloveable, easy to leave, not someone who others really KNOW enough to be loved. part of this, as we also learn later, has roots in his childhood and in his relationship with his parents

he keeps himself guarded as a defense mechanism — if he doesn’t allow himself to make friends, make connections, then it won’t hurt when those relationships end and he is left alone. so he has accepted the fact that he will just be alone forever and that’s fine. except it isn’t

one of my FAVORITE things about cql is lwj’s slow and steady blossoming, the way his relationship with wwx changes him and his outlooks in so many different ways. he isn’t an extension of wwx and he exists as so much more than the other half of wangxian — but wwx is his catalyst

there’s way too much of that to get into here but the importance here is!! when they part at the end of cql for wwx to travel, they do so knowing that it’s temporary and they will come back together. lwj can trust that wwx will return. the parallel between that and this —

is SO significant and speaks volumes for the way adult lwj views and values himself