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I& #39;m reading @AmyDyess & #39;s article, Prodigal Butch, and she brings up a point that I really feel is greatly misunderstood.
It& #39;s about how GC feel they are being called TERF and transphobic "simply for being gay" and "not liking penises". https://link.medium.com/WxgkluG2N7 ">https://link.medium.com/WxgkluG2N...
It& #39;s about how GC feel they are being called TERF and transphobic "simply for being gay" and "not liking penises". https://link.medium.com/WxgkluG2N7 ">https://link.medium.com/WxgkluG2N...
I feel this is a major misconception. One that I, admittedly, likely contributed to early in my transition in arguments against people saying "I wouldn& #39;t date a trans person".
Amy talks about the experiences of growing up subjected homophobia and having one& #39;s sexuality policed. Trans people like myself have grown up with both homophobia and transphobia having both sexuality and gender expression policed.
Being dehumanized for both feels like a double dose of discrimination. It& #39;s no wonder so many trans people stayed in the closet even as more diverse expressions of sexuality have become acceptable while discrimination against being a trans person remained steady.
So when I finally came out and some people on Facebook started trying to police my gender and tell me who and what I& #39;m allowed to be... yeah, maybe I was a bit clumsy with my words in defense of myself... but how would you feel if people drudged up your fears of being unwanted.
That being said... I want to address the misconception. Cisgender people aren& #39;t transphobic simply for having a preference in the genitalia of their partner. That is completely unreasonable, we cannot fault people for having preferences. Everyone has preferences.
The transphobia comes in how those preferences are expressed, and the identity policing that comes with statements like "trans women can& #39;t be lesbians" that are oh so popular among GC people.
A cis guy remarking on how attractive they find a trans woman but then saying "I wouldn& #39;t dater her & #39;cause she& #39;s trans"... that is openly demeaning and hurtful. It hits on fears of not being wanted or accepted by anyone.
If a person wouldn& #39;t date a trans person, even if they find us attractive, simply because we& #39;re trans... that& #39;s entirely their prerogative... but it would be much more respectful if they& #39;d find a more tactful way of expressing it or simply not express it openly at all.
Nobody needs to know when someone finds being a trans person to be a romantic deal-breaker, least of all trans people randomly encountering such comments from friends, family, or other acquaintances on social media. It is rude and hurtful.
Likewise, GC lesbians saying trans women can& #39;t be lesbians despite personal life experiences or transition or anything, reducing identity to anatomy at birth and gender assigned as a result is rude and hurtful.
I don& #39;t think trans people are honestly ok with forcing anyone into a relationship with someone who isn& #39;t attracted to their partner, whatever the reason. Anyone pushing the narrative that we want to force people to like penises is wrong whether they& #39;re GC or trans themself.
GC people twist our counter-arguments to their discriminatory "criticism" and put words in our mouths. I& #39;ve dealt with this topic almost daily for the past 4 years and I still don& #39;t feel like I& #39;ve come up with a counter that can& #39;t be misconstrued as saying something I didn& #39;t.
