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"Toxic masculinity" is a modern phenomenon. It& #39;s a neurosis born of a mismatch between the remnants of earlier systems of ritual honor and the dynamics of an atomized global village that bombards everyone with a fire hose of unintelligible social stressors.
Yes, abuse of women by men has always been a thing, I& #39;m not saying that misogyny or gratuitous violence was never a problem before, but I am saying that the behaviors we see now are their own unique thing contingent on our current social/technological reality.
And it& #39;s a problem because whatever your opinion of ritualized violence or hierarchy or whatever, the fact is that currently there& #39;s modern firepower everywhere and people "mysteriously" snapping and causing more harm than physically possible in older times.
I& #39;m not saying bring back dueling or whatever, the #1 rule of history is that you can never go back. If some guy is a coward but also mentally, and for that matter physically, sick from a chronic overdose of cortisol and neural excitation, he won& #39;t be interested in a fair fight.
Unfortunately, psychotherapy seems too out of touch to do much about it: AFAIK it& #39;s still mostly hung up on 19th century philosophy and science.
The only way out I know is to relentlessly build competence: NOT instrumental competence but literacy
The only way out I know is to relentlessly build competence: NOT instrumental competence but literacy
There& #39;s always going to be someone trying to sell you something, someone gaslighting you. That might be an obvious platitude, but it& #39;s still true.
The less capable you are of reading your own situation, the more you& #39;ll take their word for it, the more you& #39;ll let them write it.
The less capable you are of reading your own situation, the more you& #39;ll take their word for it, the more you& #39;ll let them write it.
I& #39;m not even saying that people are doing it out of malice or even know what they& #39;re doing, the behavior is distributed and a consequence of everyone being both hyperconnected and walled off at the same time. I& #39;m also not saying "unplug" or "open up to people", THAT& #39;S a platitude
I& #39;m also not saying the following things:
- "Follow YOUR truth" (scream yourself hoarse into a void)
- "Ignore it" (you can& #39;t)
- "Think harder" (feed the concept by relentlessly spinning your wheels)
- "Follow YOUR truth" (scream yourself hoarse into a void)
- "Ignore it" (you can& #39;t)
- "Think harder" (feed the concept by relentlessly spinning your wheels)
What I am saying is to work relentlessly on what feels relevant regardless of what other people think. It won& #39;t solve all your problems, but every second spent on YOUR projects is a second not dignifying other people& #39;s bullshit, and more importantly:
Every step of progress on YOUR deep questions creates a coordinate system that is that much less reliant on external validation.
Am I saying other people don& #39;t matter? No, for one thing I never said your own projects have to be inherently selfish. I& #39;m saying overcome contests.
Am I saying other people don& #39;t matter? No, for one thing I never said your own projects have to be inherently selfish. I& #39;m saying overcome contests.
Yes, contests were a part of life for time immemorial, hierarchies, blah blah blah. Times changed. We live in an extremely diffuse and networked world, being "the best" at something means jack shit: would you rather be "the best" scientist or cure cancer?
That other people matter is why this is so important: seeking knowledge isn& #39;t selfish--you need to *know* what to do. But if you can& #39;t teach yourself to unsee the background cacophony of thinly veiled pissing contests you& #39;ll never see yourself, or anyone else, as a real person.
