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Right, First (heh) off we've got the Fusty Guncle:
- He pretends to be above it all now but slept with all his friends at uni and now is enemies with most of them.
- Possibly trans.
- Hot cocoa gay.
- Did a series of very popular quarantine vlogs. https://twitter.com/CarrickOfTheOrd/status/1278999173631635458
- He pretends to be above it all now but slept with all his friends at uni and now is enemies with most of them.
- Possibly trans.
- Hot cocoa gay.
- Did a series of very popular quarantine vlogs. https://twitter.com/CarrickOfTheOrd/status/1278999173631635458
Two:
- Disaster bisexual (obviously).
- Hugs everyone.
- Will inevitably play an instrument at parties.
- Only dates people bigger/stronger than him. Easy for a short king.
- Goes for high femme girls and stone butch guys.
- Useless on the apps.
- Disaster bisexual (obviously).
- Hugs everyone.
- Will inevitably play an instrument at parties.
- Only dates people bigger/stronger than him. Easy for a short king.
- Goes for high femme girls and stone butch guys.
- Useless on the apps.
Three:
- Prissy bisexual.
- Spends ages finding clothes at vintage places in Soho.
- Sick of telling people he's not a Tory.
- Will drink all your wine.
- Impossible to date.
- Only reliable source of hook-ups is guys at the dojo.
- Prissy bisexual.
- Spends ages finding clothes at vintage places in Soho.
- Sick of telling people he's not a Tory.
- Will drink all your wine.
- Impossible to date.
- Only reliable source of hook-ups is guys at the dojo.
Four:
- Panromantic ace. Never single.
- Enthusiastically hosts reading circles where he very loudly teaches everyone queer anarchism.
- Both awe inspiring and terrifying.
- His partners are even more terrifying but they always look amazing.
- Panromantic ace. Never single.
- Enthusiastically hosts reading circles where he very loudly teaches everyone queer anarchism.
- Both awe inspiring and terrifying.
- His partners are even more terrifying but they always look amazing.
Five:
- Cream tea gay.
- Was the nice jock at school.
- Struggled to come out to his parents.
- Turns into a snarky bitch when drunk.
- Uncomfortable making physical contact with anyone except for his boyfriends.
- Oddly into PDA.
- Cream tea gay.
- Was the nice jock at school.
- Struggled to come out to his parents.
- Turns into a snarky bitch when drunk.
- Uncomfortable making physical contact with anyone except for his boyfriends.
- Oddly into PDA.
Sixie:
- Theatre gay.
- Always has the best outfits at Pride.
- Never came out because he was never in.
- Enviable levels of queer self confidence.
- Bakes everyone rolls when he's hosting.
- Makes up for sometimes being annoying by being an AMAZING big spoon.
- Theatre gay.
- Always has the best outfits at Pride.
- Never came out because he was never in.
- Enviable levels of queer self confidence.
- Bakes everyone rolls when he's hosting.
- Makes up for sometimes being annoying by being an AMAZING big spoon.
The Valeyard:
- Insists he’s not like ‘those’ gays.
- Complains about nudity at pride.
- Definitely a Tory.
- Whines on Twitter about how he’s a victim because no one likes him.
- Probably a terf.
- Your guncle was once set up with him and now realises he had a lucky escape.
- Insists he’s not like ‘those’ gays.
- Complains about nudity at pride.
- Definitely a Tory.
- Whines on Twitter about how he’s a victim because no one likes him.
- Probably a terf.
- Your guncle was once set up with him and now realises he had a lucky escape.
Seven:
- Aromantic ace.
- Supportive of his many bisexual women friends.
- Doesn’t just lecture in queer anarchism but might actually have helped bring about Watergate.
- Surprisingly fun at parties if kept away from spoons.
- If you’re lucky, down for a hug.
- Aromantic ace.
- Supportive of his many bisexual women friends.
- Doesn’t just lecture in queer anarchism but might actually have helped bring about Watergate.
- Surprisingly fun at parties if kept away from spoons.
- If you’re lucky, down for a hug.
Eight:
- Assigned bottom at birth.
- Must be protected at all costs.
- Adores his emotionally supportive lesbian friends.
- Falls in love way too easily.
- Not only a little spoon but falls apart without at least an hour of spooning per day.
- Himbo who attracts himbos.
- Assigned bottom at birth.
- Must be protected at all costs.
- Adores his emotionally supportive lesbian friends.
- Falls in love way too easily.
- Not only a little spoon but falls apart without at least an hour of spooning per day.
- Himbo who attracts himbos.
War:
- Elder gay.
- Survived the AIDS crisis and has decided to outlive all the shitheads responsible for it.
- Has been single for far too long.
- Rumored to have been the victim of an attempted hate crime. ATTEMPTED because he killed the guy who attempted it.
- Elder gay.
- Survived the AIDS crisis and has decided to outlive all the shitheads responsible for it.
- Has been single for far too long.
- Rumored to have been the victim of an attempted hate crime. ATTEMPTED because he killed the guy who attempted it.
Nine:
- Will punch you if you pick on their friends.
- Looks masc4masc but is really a big softy who will gush at you about how beautiful you are once you’re alone.
- Came out in their 20s.
- Non binary but doesn’t talk about it much.
- Celebrity crush is Billie Joe Armstrong.
- Will punch you if you pick on their friends.
- Looks masc4masc but is really a big softy who will gush at you about how beautiful you are once you’re alone.
- Came out in their 20s.
- Non binary but doesn’t talk about it much.
- Celebrity crush is Billie Joe Armstrong.
Ten:
- Hipster bi.
- Very unclear whether or not he’s out.
- Your mother loves him.
- Only kisses guys while clubbing.
- Prone to being a drama queen.
- Actually pretty rubbish in the sack.
- Hipster bi.
- Very unclear whether or not he’s out.
- Your mother loves him.
- Only kisses guys while clubbing.
- Prone to being a drama queen.
- Actually pretty rubbish in the sack.
Eleven:
- The Chaos Twink.
- Crippling weakness for soft boys, edgy boys and edgy milfs.
- Much to the surprise of both of you, you will probably have sex with him at some point. He will keep his hat on throughout.
- Appalling lightweight.
- Deeply misses his uni boyfriend.
- The Chaos Twink.
- Crippling weakness for soft boys, edgy boys and edgy milfs.
- Much to the surprise of both of you, you will probably have sex with him at some point. He will keep his hat on throughout.
- Appalling lightweight.
- Deeply misses his uni boyfriend.
Twelve:
- Cool guncle/Embarrassing guncle.
- Inexplicably successful on Grindr, especially with younger guys in black leather.
- Takes great joy in their open and extremely passionate marriage.
- Non-binary as hell.
- Low key kinkster.
- Cool guncle/Embarrassing guncle.
- Inexplicably successful on Grindr, especially with younger guys in black leather.
- Takes great joy in their open and extremely passionate marriage.
- Non-binary as hell.
- Low key kinkster.
Thirteen:
- Recently out lesbian.
- Facebook friends with everyone.
- Helplessly oblivious to the crushes all the girls have on her.
- Somehow very sweet despite her parents being Tories.
- Secretly thinking about getting a fursona.
- Recently out lesbian.
- Facebook friends with everyone.
- Helplessly oblivious to the crushes all the girls have on her.
- Somehow very sweet despite her parents being Tories.
- Secretly thinking about getting a fursona.
Fugitive:
- Veteran activist.
- No Cops At Pride. Will beat the crap out of them if they turn up.
- Everyone wants to be her BFF.
- Inspires furious gay fashion envy.
- You and your dad wish you were as cool as this.
- Just wants a nice girl she can go travelling with.
- Veteran activist.
- No Cops At Pride. Will beat the crap out of them if they turn up.
- Everyone wants to be her BFF.
- Inspires furious gay fashion envy.
- You and your dad wish you were as cool as this.
- Just wants a nice girl she can go travelling with.
