Actually, scratch that.

I’ve been thinking lately on what it even means to have “seen” a movie if you last watched 25 years ago.

So, going to watch something I’ve haven’t seen since I was 8.

Tim Burton’s Batman Returns (1992).
This is a true family story.

I was 8 and riding with my Dad. He ran out of gas and we had to call a tow truck.

He bought me Batman Returns and said don’t tell Mom we ran out of gas.

I’m watching it and Mom asks where I got it.

I said Dad got it because he ran out of gas.
This feels like returning to your elementary school classroom when you’re an adult.

It looks both completely familiar and extremely new.
Did NOT expect to learn that I’m the same age as Penguin???????????????

🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

He always seemed old as fuck when I was a kid.

Am I old as fuck??
Used to think it was the coolest shit that a woman had my first name as her last name.
A big difference between watching this at 8 and at 33?

My thought on this scene is that that’s a spacious ass one bedroom apartment.
1. Burton gives Selina a very empathetic villian origin story that’s ahead of its time: belittled at work, preyed on and assaulted by her powerful boss.

2. This is literally the greatest “making their outfit” scene in the history of superhero movies.
Crazy.

Bruce Wayne doesn’t have a line for over 35 minutes.

Producers would never let you get away with that nowadays.
I literally ate my chicken noodle soup cold a few times after this because I thought Batman ate his soups cold.

lmaooooo
Going back for a second.

HELLO
THERE

becoming

HELL
HERE

was so fire.
As the youngest of two kids, I always thought this was a diss about being second born.

I literally remember feeling bad.

LMAO.

It has taken me 25 years to understand this pun.
I will not tweet this is the best Batman movie.
I will not tweet this is the best Batman movie.
I will not tweet this is the best Batman movie.
I will not tweet this is the best Batman movie.
I will not tweet this is the best Batman movie.
I will not tweet Michelle Pfeiffer gives the best performance in any Batman movie.

I will not tweet Michelle Pfeiffer gives the best performance in any Batman movie.

I will not tweet Michelle Pfeiffer gives the best performance in any Batman movie.
😌😌😌😌😌😌

Selina immediately understands the psychosexual relationship the police have with their positions of authority.

She sees her Bondage Discipline Sado Masochism uniform as no different than theirs.

AND she is an advocate of defunding the police.

Queen.
Spike Lee’s treatment of David Berkowitz in Summer of Sam reminds me of Burton’s treatment of Batman here.

The movie is ostensibly about him. But, an hour in, and Batman is extremely decentered from the film’s emotional drive.
This doesn’t even make sense now that I think of it.

If he’s lying on his back, staring up, there’s no light source that could throw a shadow on the ceiling.

But, that didn’t stop me from doing this hand puppet everywhere and all the time.
To be honest.

When I die,

I’d like pallbearer penguins.
For me, I’d say (with all being at least good).

7. Batman Forever
6. Batman Begins
5. Batman
4. The Dark Knight Rises
3. Mask of the Phantasm
2. Batman Returns
1. The Dark Knight
You can follow @kyalbr.
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