The last time Dean Cain said horrible shit as Superman, I started taking notes for a (non-existent) pitch for a new version of Lois and Clark. Maybe I should finish that post.

I'm just kidding. I can't write anything, no matter how frivolous. I need stability and a belief in tomorrow to be creative even in a masturbatory, solely-for-my-own-amusement sense.

Two things we don't have and may not have again for a good long time, if ever!

So the salient few ideas I worked out last time:

LOIS LANE as an Ashly Burch/Amy Archer type. Swaggering, fast-talking wrecking ball reporter who forgets about daily hygiene when homed in on big stories, steals food off colleagues' plates (and the break room refrigerator), and wins enough awards to make the Planet look vital.

So the publisher and editorial staff are usually willing to overlook her pain-in-the-assness, enthusiastic insubordination, and habit of calling said publisher "trucknuts" to his face. (It'd be worse language, but hey, family friendly programming folks. You takes what you gets.)

And yes, she's crusty but benign with a heart of gold. Hobbies include listening to too-loud music way too loud and way too late at night, relentlessly teasing the oblivious Clark Kent about his obvious alter ego, and nudging a young, untried Superman farther down a moral path.

LEX LUTHOR as a Glenn Howerton/Dennis Reynolds-type. Insecure, pathetic megalomaniac magnate who wears (bad) hairpieces to (badly) disguise his baldness, owns the Planet out of spite for his many media enemies, and soaks in the reflected glory of Lois's reporting like a cat...

... sunning itself in a beam of sunlight. Luthor's an antagonist but not quite a supervillain... yet. He's more like Jeff Bezos on steroids, which is plenty bad enough. Went bald AND acquired some form of Werner syndrome from his lab accident back in his Smallville days.

This soured him on pursuing mad science and industry as a day job. (It's still his private hobby for to regrow his hair and de-age himself, so he's not out of the game.) Is obsessed with appearing respectable, not really good at it, and condescending even in his best moments.

PERRY WHITE as a Keith David/Tony Vincenzo-type. Stalwart, old-school-newspaperman editor who's riding a stomach ulcer to retirement because the industry is shit, much of the talent sucks, owners are assholes, and the truth, justice, American Way business seems dead and buried.

Loves Lois's work, which does indeed make him feel that journalism is not yet a completely lost artform. Is however prone to chugging Alka-Seltzer when dealing with her personally and wishes she came with an off switch, a mute button, or at least some kind of volume knob.

Is happy for her back-up when squaring off with Luthor over some reporting, 'cause her weight tends to back Luthor down. He also likes this Clark Kent kid 'cause while Luthor hired him through straight nepotism, Kent still has the makings of a real, fine reporter.

To be continued later. I still have notes for Clark Kent, Jimmy Olsen, and -- yes -- even Vic "The Question" Sage worked out so I might as well just post 'em all here.

Right, finishing this thread tomorrow. I do not have the desire to translate my notes to Tweets right now.