modern au wangxian where wwx thinks lwj just puts up with him but that's all, so when they have sex for the first time lwj thinks "fcking finally" while wwx is thinking "must... leave... asap... or else he'll think i want a relationship out of this... he will push me away..."

does wwx want a relationship out of this? yes. but he's not about to let lwj find out!!!! things can be normal!!!! he's super fine!!!!! nothing to worry about!!!!!!

lwj gets up to go to the bathroom and wwx just. leaves.

lwj is confused and hurt. the next time they see each other he tries his absolute hardest to pretend it doesn't bother him because he doesn't want to push wwx away - he will take what he can get, right.

wwx just assumes that lwj is attracted to him??? apparently??? but that must be it, so he can't show he has feelings, can't do clingy, can't ruin this for him. lwj says nothing in return, so he decides he'll never speak of it again.

(that lasts 5 minutes, he can't shut up)

so wwx brings it up like... aiya lwj... that was SOMETHING huh... makes a bad joke, laughs it off.

lwj lets him have it, doesn't say anything.

but that's not enough, because wwx is desperate to talk about it even if he's trying to stop himself. so he keeps bringing it up.

wwx never mentions his feelings of course, but it's a joke here, a tease there, lwj just horny-gripping-fully-yearning in vague "mn" answers (or no answer at all).

at some point it's too much. wwx can't stop teasing. lwj breaks.

lwj just presses wwx against the closest surface and they have sex again. still not talking about it, so wwx counts that on his amazing teasing. lwj must be horny, right? ahahhaha.

lwj doesn't get up for the bathroom this time, he's just... waiting to see where that goes.

so wwx is panicking a little again because SURELY lwj looking at him means he's waiting for him to leave, right?

he gets up to go to the bathroom and when he's back he's fully dressed, ready to leave.

lwj sighs, "wei ying."

lwj is also terrified he's going to push wwx away, though, so that's all he says.

wwx's mind: ah, now he's seeing me leave he's feeling guilty.

he comes up with a terrible excuse they both know is a lie and leaves again.

the thing is, not talking about it works perfectly - or so they think. they continue as friends and maybe even get a little closer. wwx is cheerful and happy, lwj is comfortable with him, their friendship is doing great.

it keeps happening.

they act as if absolutely nothing is going on until a look, a word, something breaks. wwx is always the one teasing, lwj is always the one who can't hold back and kisses him.

they have sex. wwx always leaves.

wwx is!!! so!!! afraid!!! of being too much. sometimes he doesn't even come - lwj is right there, willing, wanting to please him, but when wwx's mind decides it's enough he will stop it and lwj won't push his boundaries. https://twitter.com/bbyminmaki/status/1278870004570771457?s=20

so for the longest time they just don't talk about it and it goes like that. until wwx doesn't come for too many times in a row that lwj just thinks THAT'S IT. HE'S GOING TO ENJOY NEXT TIME. and boy is readyyyyyyyy to spend all his time on making wwx comfortable and into it.

the next time they have sex lwj takes control and he's so focused on wwx, so gentle, saying how much he's enjoying doing that for him even. wwx comes more than once, and ohmygod he doesn't even have it in him to get up and leave immediately. so he doesn't.

he falls asleep.

he wakes up to an empty bed and thinks he fcked everything up. lwj is a blessing in after care, though - he brings him breakfast in bed, asks him if he's okay and thanks him for staying the night.

wwx's mind: lwj... enjoyed that? why is HE thanking ME? i'm underserving

so wwx even stays a little longer to thank him properly, of course. they have sex again, this time making sure lwj comes first, and *then* he leaves.

their minds
lwj: well that was... progress?
wwx: are we even? oh my god did i look too needy? DO I HAVE FEELINGS? DOES HE KNOW?

thankfully it doesn't ruin anything, so lwj makes it his agenda to please wwx on the regular. wwx being sleepy in his post sex bliss and not managing to leave grows more frequent, and eventually he finds lwj doesn't mind. ah. that's harmless then, right?

their friendship runs smoothly, wwx keeps coming over, and eventually sex, breakfast in bed, after care, all these things are slipping into their routines.

wwx never talks about his feelings. whenever he thinks lwj is about to try, wwx stops him.

wwx: lwj must feel guilty for not saying anything, right? or maybe he just thinks that's the proper thing to do? he's so proper. ah, who knows, he might be opening up his mind to reject me!!! i won't let him!!! *shuts him up with a kiss*

the lines are blurred. they never talk about it with anyone else and they never do anything in public but other than that and actually talking about their feelings... they absolutely start acting like a couple.

lwj, who never had anyone else: maybe that's how relationships go?

lwj keeps testing the waters with anything that isn't discussing feelings and wwx always indulges him (of course he does), so after months of this he just assumes... ah. okay. we're in a relationship now. fine by me am i right.

wwx: FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS!!!! lwj is my bro, my fella, my buddy, my comrade. sex is great and he's really into my opinions on furniture so we pick those together sometimes but that's what friends are for!!!!! we makes plans for the future because we are friends FOREVER.

wwx is absolutely not sleeping with anyone else, by the way. lwj thinks they're in a relationship, so neither is he. but wwx is absolutely sure that if lwj is THAT horny all the time, whenever they aren't, lwj MUST be getting it somewhere else.

which is fine ahahahahahhahahahhaa

wwx isn't really up for sex but he starts teasing lwj anyway because he thinks lwj needs that. lwj isn't really in the mood, and he can tell the same goes for wwx, so he settles them into cuddling.

wwx, awake all night: yeah he definitely slept with someone else.

lwj is stable, trusting, caring. he's perfect to wwx, really, and he makes sure to make them healthier in all these different ways, but he can't read wwx's mind.

wwx buries himself in denial and decides he should be happy for what he can get from lwj.

the first time they talk about their status isn't even alone. they're joining a game night nhs insisted on.

wen qing, wen ning, jc, yanli, jin zixuan, mianmian, lan xichen, honestly the whole crew nobody knows how nhs got them there.

yanli makes a comment about dating and everyone indulges her in her happiness, but when jin zixuan beams at her they all boo *him*.

jc: ahhh keep it to yourselves
wen qing: the straights are at it again
wwx: SOME OF US ARE SINGLE HERE, HAVE SOME RESPECT

absolute. silence.

nhs, by instinct: yeah not you though
wwx: nah i'm pretty sure i'm single
lwj, but also everyone else:

they are all pretty sure lwj/wwx were dating and just pretending nobody could see their clearly romantic moments which often happened with everyone else looking, even if there was never a kiss or a confession in the open.

their minds now: damn did they break up?

wen qing goes ANYWAY MY CUE TO LEAVE and everyone makes all this scene out of leaving and chatting about anything else - they are concerned but it's not the time or the place. lwj just stands up and goes. lan xichen follows him.

wwx is really confused but he doesn't think anything out of it until jc, yanli, wen ning and nhs come up to him talking about a breakup.

he tells a pretty convincing story on how yeah they had sex but he's absolutely sure they aren't a couple at all.

nobody buys it, though, and they do try to argue, but wwx does so much mental gymnastics that eventually jc just... OH FFSAKE FINE JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT WE GET IT YOU'RE PALS

wwx: yeah i won that argument

lwj on the other hand freaking out all by himself thinking wwx has been sleeping with other people this whole time and everything they didn't talk about makes SO MUCH sense now turns out wwx never WANTED to stay he just... goes with it... out of pity? or something akin?

lwj feels too humiliated and dumb to discuss it, and it wasn't wwx's fault after all, he's the one that insisted on all these extra steps.

wwx thinks they're a-okay, and if he notices lwj doing anything different, he just assumes he annoyed him too much that day.

wwx terribly misses him, so he tries to get things back to normal. when he teases lwj to the point of breaking this time, lwj stops him, suddenly very serious.

"you should not say things you do not mean."

wwx: damn lwj it was all a joke, don't take me too seriously

staring contest ensues

stabbing lwj would have been nicer and his expressions go a long way to show he didn't like what wwx just said in the slightest

wwx thinking: damn. am i not good enough anymore? am i not attractive enough? he used to fall for the teasing. did he find someone else? is he done?

the tension continues. wwx is suddenly reminded of the last time he had been together. he had spend almost a week straight at lwj's place, they had intimate sex, then game night.

that's a what couples do. maybe he went too far. maybe lwj couldn't handle him all over.

wwx, trying to make things better, but also with his feelings really hurt and unable to shut up: you aren't the only one seeing other people, lwj, when you don't want to you can just tell me, it's not like i'm going to cry about it

(that's a lie, ofc)

they stop having sex, but are unable to really cut ties. they keep meeting and finding excuses to see each other. both try to reconcile with the fact the other would rather be with someone else.

lwj thinks: yeah we were never dating at all i was stupid to think so and wwx will only ever tease because that's what he does, if i don't ask for intimacy he doesn't neither, he's not looking for that, i should just stop this, he made it very clear he doesn't want me

wwx thinks: okay it was fun for a while but i definitely crossed the line, i keep waiting for him to ask for intimacy again but he doesn't want it, so i'm not going to push, i'm not enough, he made it very clear he doesn't want me

lwj post "breakup": making sure he controls his emotions and looks proper all the time, yearning, putting his softest looks in an attempt to communicate he's still there, still up to it if wwx wishes... but he's too hurt to admit that in any other sense

wwx post "breakup": does he looks better than ever? well jokes on HIM i'm going dont cha

... makes himself as hot as he possibly can all the damn time, teases anyone and everyone, jokes about getting it good from other people

(has zero sex, cries himself to sleep sometimes)

please respect their coping mechanisms during these trying times

wwx is counting on getting reactions from lwj, and sometimes it works. he catches the looks that usually meant lwj was close from kissing him. he knows which clothes make lwj suffer the most.

he's smug for a second before it hurts to think he's not enough anyway.

he won't drop the ball that easily. maybe he IS enough, have you seen his ass?

(that comes from wen ning hyping him up during a game night where he's particularly sad, followed by jc telling him to get his shit together already)

if he IS enough... hear him out... then maybe lwj CAN'T sleep with him anymore... (spins a wheel) (checks the direction to which the wind blows) (makes a chart)

ah, shit.

wwx: you are dating someone.
it's not a question.
lwj:

wwx: is it mianmian?
lwj doesn't answer.
wwx: it's mianmian, isn't it? ah. good for you. i should have known.

wwx laughs because he's nervous. he's having the whole conversation by himself why lwj is just. so done and so confused.

wwx: honestly that's a relief.

he waits for lwj to take the bait, lwj doesn't.

he keeps going when it looks like lwj might just walk away.

wwx: i thought maybe you had grown tired of me, a-ha. since we were- you know. all the time. and now we aren't. i'm glad it's not a me thing, it's just... you are happy and that's all that counts.

"i am not dating anyone."

that's what lwj says.
it takes wwx riiiight back to... ok so i AM the problem?

wwx: that's... oh. okay. so you're just... sleeping around. who would have thought, huh? well i guess i would. i am...

they are in nhs' kitchen just standing there awkwardly in the middle of another game night, probably for too long because jc comes to drag wwx back.

things move awkwardly after that. wwx isn't as invested in teasing lwj, though he keeps being provocative for the sake of convincing himself he's enough.

lwj is always affected by it, but he learns to react less and less clearly.

that also means they go back to seeing each other without anyone around. there are times it almost feels like they're where they used to be.

wwx will be stressed out of his mind by unrelated problems and lwj will help him - they look at each other for minutes, almost kissing.

lwj will be clearly tense in a situation and wwx will place a hand on his tight under the table - meant to stop him, but it feels intimate.

it's not as dramatic as wwx expected or as simple as lwj thought it would be. they settle into this strange intimacy that isn't quite there while their feelings simmer. so much happens in their lives that the only constant seem to be them going back to each other.

then it's wwx's birthday. he plans this whole thing around seeing people he loves and getting drunk. it will be great.

everyone is together again and wwx almost misses his regularly scheduled birthday crisis.

it's when lwj walks in looking *that* good that he starts panicking.

oh, god. he's getting old. he's still pining. he feels ridiculous. maybe this party was a mistake.

he drinks.

he drinks and he drinks and he drinks. he hopes he will get his shit together and just tell lwj already. he drinks. he hopes lwj will think he looks hot too, and maybe *he* will do something about it. he drinks. he wants someone, anyone, to come fix this emptiness. he drinks.

if he is honest, wwx would admit he's hoping the alcohol will help him out here. either give him the courage to speak his mind to lwj or to get lwj to take care of him, anything.

it doesn't. he's too good with alcohol for his own good.

he wishes desperately for wen ning to go and do the confessing for him. he doesn't. he wants lan xichen to come slap the stupid out of him, he doesn't. nothing comes in his aid, and he's left frustrated, drunk, lonely.

he does look cheerful until he's alone, though.

what the alcohol does is making waking up painful the next morning. it's 3pm and he's still somehow not satisfied with how much he slept, so he mopes around - takes too long on a hot shower, forces himself to eat.

he's still restless.

he feels soft after the long shower but he probably looks terrible. he doesn't check. jeans feel terrible right now, so he slips into a black hoodie and sweatpants.

he can't go back to sleep.

he doesn't allow himself to think about it. he puts his body on autopilot and marches to the path he knows so well, because if he takes another minute he will probably give up. he's knocking on lwj's door before he knows it.

fck, what the hell is he doing? nOPE.

his dramatic ass is turning back to leave as he pictures mianmian stepping out of the house wearing only a towel somehow.

what actually happens is a very confused, concerned lwj opening the door.

"wei ying?"

wwx walks inside without saying a word, lwj lets him and closes the door. he tries to go to the living room, where they can sit and... talk, apparently? but wwx stops him.

wwx: i'm not staying. i just came because...

he doesn't really know why.

it's probably too late, ridiculous, pathetic. lwj probably only ever felt attracted to him and this might even ruin everything.

deep breath.

wwx: i know you like mianmian.

lwj sighs, and he's about to reply. wwx doesn't let him.

wwx: i mean, you never really denied that part, i realised that last night. i realised a lot of things last night, actually.

wwx: all of these things happen. well, you know, my life.

he chuckles, nervous.

wwx: you keep me right. have i ever told you that? all these things happen, but i always come back here... because having you is enough.

wwx laughs openly then. lwj parts his lips to speak.

wwx: no, not yet, i'm not done.

lwj nods, allows him as always.

wwx: i don't want a relationship with you.

lwj looks like he's about to walk out of his own house.

wwx: well, i don't need a relationship with you. i don't want to push you, i will never cross a line, i will try not to be too much, but i want you to know i always come back here. that's what i realised. i'm here.

their minds going

lwj: is he still drunk
wwx: WHAT'S NOT CLICKING I AM HERE