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TW: abuse //
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A small thread of things you should and shouldn’t do when you’re dealing with a person who has had an abusive childhood —
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A small thread of things you should and shouldn’t do when you’re dealing with a person who has had an abusive childhood —
DISCLAIMER this is based on personal experience throughout my life and doesnt mean all of these may apply to every single person who has ever had an abusive childhood. However it’s good be careful.
- DONT Make sudden movements of youre at an arms length of them. And DONOT make fun of them if they flinch or back away or show signs of fear. I don’t think I have to explain why
- if someone tells you about how their parent/guardian has treated them and they express anger or hurt DONOT respond with things like ‘but they’re your parent they love you unconditionally’ ‘you shouldn’t talk about an elder like that’
- people who come from an abusive household have a very complicated relationship with their guardians and it can never be as simple as just disliking them or Just Loving them so if someone’s perception of their guardian changes repeatedly please don’t call them out on it
Idk how to explain the last one but yeah it’s complicated please be gentle abt it
- dont force them out of their routine or their comfort space !! Most of the time people who have been raised by abusive people learn to be independent and pushing them to depend on someone or switch up the way they handle things is very discomforting. Give them space
- DONOT tell them how they should handle a situation unless they explicitly ask you for help. Donot. They have been in that situation whereas you have not and they know better than you. Just Don’t.
Spending your childhood in an environment where you’re constantly being belittled n pushed around has a permanent impact on your life. When people try to make decisions for you and tell you how you should be handling a problem that you’ve been dealing with since you were a child—
It feels like degrading and makes you feel broken and insecure and it feels a lot like how it felt when the person you trusted your life with because they were your literal guardian Hurt You so Much because they knew they were in control. Don’t do it.
- as a kid I used to wish I was in a bubble so nobody could hurt me and now that I’m older and I know I deserve to be given space I value it very much. When someone invades your safe space without asking It makes you feel really suffocated and it can be triggering as well
- Don’t give them the silent treatment. As a kid a common punishment was being ignored by your parents when you did something wrong. It’s a form of psychological manipulation and it makes you feel like you’re easy to forget
This is one of my biggest triggers. It’s not only making you feel insecure but it also forces you to relive childhood trauma. Please donot do this.
- dont force them to talk. I’ve only told two or three people the full extent of what I’ve been through and just talking about it is . Really fucking hard and I never ever want to do it again. Remember you’re their friend not their therapist. They’ll tell you when they want to
- communicate with them. There’s a LOT of insecurity and a lot of anxiety and overthinking when it comes to relationships with other people. Verbal communication is not easily misunderstood. Please talk to them.
- It’s hard to unlearn things you were taught as a child. Please be patient. Personally I grew up with someone who had an undiagnosed psychological disorder and I was taught a lot of weird superstitious things and to this day I’m unlearning them.
- dont make fun of them for things they were taught as a child. Don’t make fun of them for having a hard time easing into things. Don’t make fun of them for having bad habits they can’t control. For example I used to pull out my hair as a coping mechanism.
I pick at the back of my ear till it bleeds. Everyone has their own weird coping mechanisms please Donot make fun of them.
- don’t pity them. They’re so strong for making it to this day and they don’t deserve to be pitied.
- DONT assume. A lot of times people with abusive families come from households that look near perfect from a third person perspective. Never assume. Whether you know a person has had a tough childhood or not, try to treat them with kindness and be patient.
I don’t remember anything else but if you think there’s something else I should add please tell me !!
I want to clarify that I don’t mean to imply that anyone who has experienced childhood trauma is a burden to others. They’re strong as hell. But everyone deserves to be in an environment where they feel safe and comfortable enough to express themselves freely.
