THREAD: It never crossed physical boundaries so I *constantly* doubted my concerns. But here is what my former pastor did do:
•constant inappropriate & sexual jokes
•brag about other women making sexual passes
•ALWAYS trying to isolate me
•multiple narcissistic behaviors

•held over my head special favors (ex: asking me to preach)
•threaten remove favors for arbitrary reasons
•”accidentally” say something inappropriate then pretend not what he meant
•secret conversations
•make comments about “loving” & “adoring” me but say NOT sexually

•started to make sexual innuendos from stage appeared to be directed at things only I would know
•GASLIGHTING ALWAYS
•would tell me other women in church were jealous or intimidated by me
•would joke that others would think I was his wife
•Offered my sons special favors

•Always mysteriously showed up when I was with any other men at conferences
•Showed me inappropriate photo and laughed about it
•Constantly held over my head the complementarian doctrine but then would act like he was throwing me special favors that even GOD didn’t allow

Waaayyy too many other to list here. But when it became abundantly clear I was not going to cross over, a sudden & vile campaign against me began. Months of agonizing removal of EVERYTHING. It was brutal & terrorizing. I did NOT understand what was happening.

He had ALL the power & he wielded it w/o hesitation. Turned the entire elder board against me. Turned lifelong friends. Gaslighting was rampant. Boldly lied about me. I thought I was losing my mind. I doubted my own memories. I had NO idea what I was dealing with.

He caused everyone to believe it was simply a disagreement about women in ministry leadership. That was a lie. HE was the one who asked me to preach. HE was the one who spent years telling me he believed in my call. HE was the one who asked me to be an assoc pastor.

The complementarian doctrine was just his cover. This is about POWER, CONTROL, NARCISSIM, & ABUSE. I share these signs because I need to FINALLY believe myself about what happened. I share them in hopes that if YOU are doubting yourself, you will stop & trust your own inner voice

I will say it again: ABUSE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE SEXUAL TO BE REAL! Predators & abusers of all kinds adapt to their environment. In churches it may look very different & they will use the doctrines of the church & Scripture itself AGAINST you.
This is how they hide in plain sight

If your abuse did not cross sexual lines, you do NOT have to minimize what it still was. You still need to acknowledge what you DID experience, understand its own impact, feel validated & find healing. Your soul was violated & abused. That MATTERS.
Selah.