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Today is the first real day of my sober life. My sobriety date is 02/18/20. I have 134 days in but the last 4 months have been the hardest of my life. I almost lost everything in so many ways on my ‘bottom’ day. My partner, my home, my family and my support system.
I had to
I had to
move 3 provinces from everything I knew. I had to deal with covid and isolating alone. I had to endure my emotions coming back and decide who I want to be. My partner was there from a distance but very untrusting.
Until a month ago when I broke through my stages of grief and.
Until a month ago when I broke through my stages of grief and.
I finally felt ‘hope’. I know it’s only the beginning but I’m lighter and happier now. My partner came here for 3 weeks. For the first time in 5 years with him I felt secure with myself. I didn’t live in my overthinking head. I did not ‘crave’ to be inhibited and emotionless
with alcohol. I did not put up a pretense of strength nor did I try to wallow in the past. I wasn’t hiding from my past or living in it. No overcompensating to make up for bad or embarrassing behaviour. I was full of real laughter and smiles that reached my eyes...
He told me this was the best and most enjoyable time he has had in a very long time. I agree It was the best and most enjoyable time I’ve allowed myself to have since I was in my early 20’s. Since I gave up thinking I could be or do anything good for myself. I’m 49 this month
I’d forgotten what joy felt like. What it felt like to live and not just go through the motions. I have been accepted into a college program in September and I can honestly say (and happily) that this is the first real thing I’ve chosen for myself. For my future. For my life.
Thanks to everyone in this group for sharing their stories and giving me courage to share mine. I’m never going back. One day at a time. I’m grateful for all my blessings and I am going to keep working hard to know myself again
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