i'd characterize how i've been treated in poly relationships by cis ppl as incredibly normative. i am the 1st jettisoned, the least thought abt, yet the most fetishized. it's often felt alot like doing sex work for free, ironically the OG feminist critique of the family/marriage https://twitter.com/9BillionTigers/status/1278353091729846273

cis ppl practicing "free love" w black + brown trans women who are deeply unfree without a deeper attachment to building a world in which we are free isn't radical. at best it's often "ethical consumption" it's romantic neoliberalism--we're exotic fair trade coffee, pun intended

a lot of the "non-normativity" cis ppl romanticize in polyamory as inherently "liberatory" ends at the critique of the inheritance of the norm family structure. not an actual critique of what that family structure is a place holder for; the accumulation of capital and property.

we should actually talk abt the ways polyamory often reifies this model of accumulation and speculation. a wealthy het couple "finding a 3rd" feels incredibly speculative/consumptive, it liberates--meaning makes free--what SWers would charge for

one of the constant antagonisms of being a trans woman esp a black trans woman is that cis ppl, incl. queer cis ppl's, fantasies of non-normativity/alterity from body/presentation to public/private life are not exotic nor speculations to us, but simply what we (dis)inherit

like the OP i've also no desire to housewife but i get why other girls do. neither the original normy idea of a housewife nor its (less?) normy feminist critique were conceived of w specific attention to the experiences of black + brown trans women or more the world we disinherit