I think part of why I dont feel the need to talk about my abusive relationship stuff is there really isnt much of a lesson to be learned cuz I did a lot of stupid awful shit just out of ignorance and poor decision making, partially because of conditioning within the relationship

Its the kinda thing I'd really only delve into if like my ex popped up with allegations or something. But my relationship before silva is a big part of why I'm sort of distant and bad at social interaction a lot of the time, and why I choose not to argue with people irl too much

The thing is I've connected the dots of how I got here and it involves basically my whole lifes story that I can remember and it ends with me being the worst I've ever been just before becoming the best I've ever been. And its not to erase who I was or anything I did but-

I am who I am now, and none of you that know me have ever known anyone but the real me. And I've taken responsability for my mistakes with all of my exes, and ive told silva this life story. I guess the point of this thread is just to say that I'm no stranger to this stuff either

Ive played the role of victim and abuser at times. But every time my wrongdoing was pointed out I listened and I changed, even if I didnt fully understand at the time. I guess one of my flaws was never realizing when I needed to speak up for myself, i always just kinda took abuse

Whenever people come to me for relationship advice or anything one of my number one points is never become dependant on anyone. Never need anyone. You need to be the best person you can be and rely on yourself. And youre gonna make mistakes getting there, you will.

But be self aware of how you treat others and how you own the mistakes you make. And how you make reparations. Just be kind and thoughtful. And beat yourself up but dont wallow in self loathing. Dont be sorry, be better. I think thats all I got rn