Hey, I saw some friends like tweets in this thread so I’m here to educate: you can have both a sexual orientation+a romantic orientation. Ace: not experiencing sexual attraction or demi: not experiencing sexual attraction until there’s emotional connection? Valid. pt.1 https://twitter.com/eighthgrade/status/1278015989213532161

You can be ace and hetero/homo/bi/pan/...-romantic along with being ace or demi. To people who experience any kind of sexual attraction, it can be hard to understand what it’s like to not experience sexual attraction when you look at someone, a significant other, date, etc. pt.2

So no, demi is not a sexuality that means “I’m not interested in hookups”. Just because people that identify as sexual are often interested in developing that emotional connection before sex too. It’s simply not the same thing as straight up not feeling that attraction. pt.3

Here’s the best way I can think to describe it. In a typical sexual relationship. The timeline might be- sexual attraction->emotional connection->sex. But in a demi relationship it’s often- emotional connection->sexual attraction->sex. pt.4

Experiencing or not experiencing sexual attraction is not a choice, however you CAN choose to not have sex in a relationship. It’s difficult to understand unless you know the feeling. Some ask ace/demi, “But how can you not want sex? That can’t be real.” Brings me to: pt.5

It’s hypocritical for anyone in the lgbtq+ community to invalidate others for having a sexuality other than your own. It’s very common for ace/demi to not be accepted in the community. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it’s not real. pt.6

Continuing on with asexuality, a typical ace timeline could be romantic attraction->emotional connection. Often followed only by sensual attraction (physical intimacy-hugging, kissing, hand holding, etc) pt.7

There are so many infinite layers to attraction with everything being a spectrum. Some people can define their attraction in fewer words and that’s great, valid. Some people find comfort in describing their attraction by using the different types of attraction. Cool, valid. pt.8

Some people don’t need a label to define who they’re attracted to. Valid. Do what makes you feel comfortable. The one thing that’s not okay is invalidating others based on what they choose to label themselves as. pt.9

It’s incredibly upsetting to see people that usually spend time lifting others up +being welcoming to all showcase that they are not REALLY welcoming to ALL. It’s because of the misconceptions and hate toward the ace/demi communities that these members often do not speak up pt.10

Some ace/demi are even open about their sexuality, but choose to not be open about romantic attraction. Just like someone’s sexual attraction, no one owes you an explanation of their romantic attraction. pt.11

Even those that accept ace/demi as legitimate sexuality are quick to push them out of the lgbtq+ community. Stop telling people that they don’t belong in the community! It’s toxic! You can never be sure of someone’s attraction until they tell you. pt.12

And just because someone doesn’t come out doesn’t necessarily mean they’re straight! Some people go for years in the community without being out! You don’t have to be out to belong to the community. Keeping your sexuality to yourself does not invalidate your place in lgbtq+pt.13

It’s so easy to shut any part of your attraction down when people in the lgbtq+ community (who are supposed to be supportive of you) are often the first ones to invalidate you. That being said: pt.14

I don’t really think people will read this, which honestly gives me just enough confidence to mention it. I am on the ace/demi spectrum and have known that for 4+ years. But because of the reputation that the community has of “oh it’s just because you don’t like hookups” pt.15

I shut it down. And continued to shut it down. Because I rarely see supportive/inclusive content toward the community. Why share that part of me with the world if no one will understand and if everyone refuses to learn/understand. pt.16

I am now choosing to put this out there so that people can reach out with questions about the topic. I want to educate, and also be one of the positive voices out there for anyone questioning if it’s okay to be ace/demi. pt.17

Message me if you don’t understand and want to know more. Read more at the link below. Please find a way to educate yourself on asexuality and demisexuality before you invalidate people that can’t change the way they feel. pt.18

Happy pride.

https://www.asexuality.org/?q=general.html