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this pride month made me feel awful. this month lesbians have been accused of gate-keeping and playing the victim and being dramatic. whenever we talked about things that made us uncomfortable, our feelings were constantly invalidated. whenever we talked about being excluded +
we were told to stop crying about it. i& #39;ve struggled with my identify for the longest. i was extremely homophobic at a young age, and was a comphet. my family (especially my parents) taught me that being gay was disgusting and i carried that with me for a long time. when i +
was in the fifth grade, sometime during the spring, i had gone to an early camp meeting to get to know people and i saw a girl there. she had a long wavy ponytail and she was very shiny and bubbly and i was like, "why am i thinking of her like i would think of a boy?" +
she was my first crush and the first step to helping me figure out my indentity. i was scared, for a while, but i told myself i was still into boys and that i was bisexual. i told all my friends and they were really supportive. but i realized whenever they asked me "oh +
you& #39;re bisexual, what BOY do you have a crush on ??" i found myself picking a random boy i could barely remember and just going along with it. then, to make matters worsez i realized, not only did i like this camp girl,, i was starting to like my best friend. i was even more +
confused now. why was i liking girls and pretending to like boys ?? i was still somewhat straight. i had to be. that tussle with myself had gone on for the longest until i had finally somehow excepted the fact that i just didnt like boys anymore. so i had to come out AGAIN and +
this time, I was coming out as a lesbian. once again, my friends were super supportive of me. i remember thinking, "what if this IS just a phase??" and worrying that i would "grow out of" being a lesbian. but four years later, my sexuality has not changed. my fight with my +
sexuality is not over. i am often ashamed of myself. when i had been outed to my family, i remember just being so disgusted and disappointed in myself and my sexuality. it took me two years after that to even trust that i could possibly try and come out again to someone i trust +
and even then, i sobbed when i had done it. thinking about it now makes me feel a little teary. i try to pride myself in knowing who i am, but being constantly invalidated over and over, especially in a month when im supposed to be prideful, makes me feel insignificant and +
makes me feel terrible. so im sorry for making this really long, but to reitterate my point, please stop invalidating and excluding lesbians. it does not make us feel good. thank you if you took the time to read this and i apologize for making this thread so long 
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