for whatever reason the roil that is my brain has decided to think about how i may not have encountered the in your face, yelling about how you killed jesus anti-semitism that my mom grew up with but that doesn't mean i haven't encountered it

i think the biggest thing has been realizing how too much of how i learned about my culture was filtered through christianity and not from jewish culture and practice

and years and years of christians, athiests, white supremacists and whoever else being louder and more visible than actual jews fucks up your relationship to your own culture

more recently i've been able to do a little reconnecting to my culture but it's also been colored by (a few) people implicitly telling me i'm not "jewish enough"

(and this is even as one of the more common things that rabbis will talk about is that the relationship to jewish culture is flexible, malleable, and intensely personal)

so yeah, even though i've felt like in the past i was lucky to not have to deal with a lot of direct anti-semitism but as i think about the way gentiles so frequently talk about judaism only in relation to christianity, i realize i didn't escape it at all