welcome to this thread, which is a text-based simulation of an episode of the hit HGTV show House Hunters using real estate listings I found online. let's begin.

You are Tim, a 34 year old IT professional working at a big law firm in Downtown Minneapolis. You live with your 32 year old wife, Heather, who is six months pregnant with your first child. She is a manager at a local bank branch. You have a dog, an aged black lab named Toby.

You and Heather have been living in a cramped but cheap 1-bedroom unit in a large apartment complex located right off the freeway a few miles out from the city. It's small, ugly, and boring but this has enabled you to save up for your first mortgage. Your budget is $265,000.

You're both sick and tired of living off the freeway and are looking for something closer to the liveliness and excitement of the city, near amenities like parks as well as nightlife. You're both looking for a place with room to grow (3 bedrooms) and a yard for the kid & dog.

You tell your realtor, "I'm kind of a handyman and am definitely up for an old project house. I want lots of storage plus a garage or workspace for my hobbies. We had carpet in the apartment so hardwood floors are a must for me. I prefer a historic house, def close to my work."

Heather, responds: "Sorry, Tim, but I'm pregnant and definitely would prefer something move-in ready. I want an open floor plan for keeping track of the baby, and lots of space for entertaining. A fenced in yard would be a huge bonus. I want something modern."

To Recap:
Budget: $265,000
- 3 bed/2 bath
- backyard
- in the city
- walkable

Tim wants:
- fixer upper
- close to work
- storage, incl. garage/workspace
- hardwood floors
- historic

Heather wants:
- move-in ready
- open floor plan
- entertaining space
- fenced yard
- modern

Your power realtor thinks she's found you the perfect home. "This house brings a great blend of historic and modern. It's a little over their budget, but there's lots of storage, a fenced in yard, and it's in the desirable, walkable Ericsson neighborhood, very close to parks."

(text splashes across screen)
House #1
Price: $289,000
Neighborhood: Ericsson
Beds: 2+
Baths: 1
Sqft: 1,082

Heather: Oh wow, this is so cute! Even if it's not my style. Look at all these big trees!
Tim: How many bedrooms is it?
Realtor (Jane): It's 2 beds, 1 bath, but it's over a thousand square feet. It's a really spacious house for its size.
Tim: I love the curb appeal.

Jane opens the door to let you inside.
Tim: Nice sized coat closet. Love the tile floor.
Heather: entryway's a little cramped.

Heather: This was not what I expected. It's so open!
Tim: look at those nice wood floors.
Heather: for a little house there sure is a lot of natural light.
Tim: I still wish there were more historic features.
Heather: Oh, I like the modern look.
Jane: (nodding absently)

Heather: This part of the living room is a little small.
Tim: I think that the couch is just a little big, honey.
Heather: What's through there?
Jane: that leads to the dining room and kitchen.
Heather: I want to see the kitchen since I do most of the cooking! (winks at Tim)

[author's note] I am trying to make this as realistic to the show as possible but it is very hard not to crack jokes all the time. please respect my struggle.

Heather (frowning): wow this is really small for a dining room. Can't see myself doing a lot of entertaining in here. Plus, that floor!
Jane (elaborating): It's more of a breakfast nook than a full dining room.
Tim: I wish it gelled better but I still think it's cute.

Jane: the last owners just redid this kitchen to make it more modern.
Heather: It's cute but a little small. There's not that much counter space. Still I like the white cabinets and the gas stove.
Tim: I like it! It's an old school kitchen for an old school house, hahaha.

Jane: and here's the bathroom. Again, they just redid this too.
Tim: This is the only bathroom? It's a little small.
Jane: Yes.
Heather: I like that it's modern and has a tub for the baby but I don't know how we're going to live with just 1 bathroom.
Tim: We do now, honey.

Jane: (opens door) the first bedr-
Heather: ohhh my gosh this is so cute!!!!
Tim: Wow, perfect for a nursery.
Heather: I can definitely see myself rocking our little baby to sleep in that chair by the window.
Tim: pretty good size, too.

Jane: let's take a look at the master bedroom
Tim: oh wow this is spacious. Tons of natural light. Those high ceilings are great.
Jane: The beam gives it some of that midcentury modern flair, Heather.
Heather: hmmm I do like the ceilings.
Tim: Only downside is the carpet.

Jane: Now I know there are only two bedrooms in this house, but there's also a basement, which adds a significant amount of square footage.
Heather: That's where the laundry is right? I was getting worried, hahaha.
Tim: hahaha. Yeah. Let's check it out.

Heather: I like that there's also a sink in here for rinsing the stains out. Still, I wish it were finished.
Tim: this would be a great place for my workshop. I could def finish this too, put in a drop ceiling or something.
Jane: Yes, exactly

Jane: The real selling point of this house is this amazing backyard. Tim, I know you're going to like the tool shed, and Heather, I know you'll love that it's securely fenced in.
Heather: Great, I can't wait to check it out!
Tim: Yeah same
(everyone heads upstairs)

Heather: oh wow this is perfect for entertaining.
Tim: Nice sized shed too, perfect for my fishing stuff.
Heather: that fence is beautiful - I just wish there was more green space for the baby
Jane: no worries, because there are some beautiful parks just around the block

Tim: so how much is this house?
Jane: Well, this house comes in at $289,000, which is a little bit over your budget. But it's in a great neighborhood with good schools, has the storage you're looking for and is a nice blend of your two aesthetics.

Tim: I really love this house. I love the historic charm, the neighborhood, and the storage.
Heather: I admit it's cute. But it's really far from where Tim and I work.
Tim: You're right.
Heather: And I'm still holding out for 3 bedrooms plus something a little more modern

Jane (to camera): It's really hard to find something that's move-in ready, modern, close to work, and under their budget, which is a little low for a 3 bedroom in Minneapolis. Still, I think I've found something a little more to Heather's taste.

Heather & Tim: Hi Jane!
Jane: Hi Heather, hi Tim. So, I know Jane wants something a little more modern and I know you were both looking for something more in your price range so I've taken you to the swanky Linden Hills neighborhood to look at a real midcentury modern gem.

Tim: is this a condo?
Jane: It is a condo. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bath condo filling in at 1160 square feet. Plus it's under your budget at $242k.
Heather: wow that is so under budget. I am digging the modern look too.
Tim: It looks kinda like a school.
Jane: Let's go inside!

Heather: Yes, I love this airy feel already.
Tim: can't wait to check out that bathroom. Still, I'm not too into how modern this is. Plus there's no wood floors.

Heather: Wow, this is so open! This space is huge. Perfect for entertaining. Not a fan of the orange color in the kitchen though.
Tim: hmm no central air. Still, these big windows are pretty great. Digging that bar too.

Jane: as you can see, there's additional kitchen counter storage on this wall too. It's actually a lot of space.
Tim: You definitely feel like you're living in the city with that view.
Jane: There are tons of great bars and restaurants nearby, plus a playground around the block

Heather: yeah, this kitchen is small. That butcher block counter is a huge plus though. I'm worried about entertaining - I'd have to walk to the other side of the room for more counter space. Plus I'd need to redo that awful green backsplash.

Jane: and here's the first bedroom
Heather: oh, that's a nice size.
Tim: I could def see this as a nursery. Still, I really don't like these floors, plus window units are really noisy.

Jane: here's bedroom two.
Tim: I like that the bedrooms are similar in size. Could see this as an office.
Heather: (nodding absently)

Jane: the main bathroom
Heather: oh wow this is big! I love the subway tile and the armoire. Wish the tub was a little deeper.
Tim: this is a big bathroom for sure.

Jane: the master bedroom.
Heather: I love that there's a big closet in every room.
Tim: where is the window unit?
Heather: and look at all that natural light.

Jane: Let's walk around the block to the playground and discuss the details.

Jane: so what do you think?
Heather: I really like this condo. The size is huge! The style is way closer to my taste and even though there's no yard there's this playground just outside.
Tim: Still this is really far from my work. I'm def not sold on a condo - I want a house.

Jane: (to camera) Ok, I know Tim is really sold on a house, and they both want to be closer to downtown. I think I've found a happy compromise that's still three bedrooms while also being under budget and way closer to work.

Jane (on phone): Hi Tim. Are we good for tomorrow? Awesome, I'll see you there, thanks!

Jane: Hi Heather, hi Tim.
Heather and Tim: Hi!
Jane: I've brought you to the Como neighborhood, right next to U of M and just a hop skip and a jump from downtown. This area is up and coming, definitely more of a college town vibe.

Jane: The house I'm about to show you is a 3 bedroom 1 bath house that's right around 1,000 square feet. It's way under your budget at $229k and has a lot of historic charm. At that price, you can definitely afford to put in the cash to truly make it your own. Let's go!

Tim: Wow, this is a big house.
Heather: I'm not so sure about this.
Tim: I said I wanted a fixer upper, and it's so under our budget.
Jane: Let's head inside.

Tim: look at those beautiful old windows! Plus, a covered porch would be great for the kid to play outside, do crafts.
Heather: I don't know about that purple though...

Tim: oh wow I love that old school trim and that entry. Plus those floors are gorgeous.
Heather: It's not so bad on the inside. I like the tall ceilings too. Still, a lot of work to do...

Jane: This could be used as either a dining room or more of an entertaining space.
Heather: hmm
Tim: I love these old doors. What a great detail.

Jane: And here's the kitchen. That cabinet is original to the house, which was built in 1914.
Tim: I feel like I'm back in college.
Heather: yeah, this is not going to work. How am I supposed to entertain here?

Jane: here's the first bedroom
Heather: this is a nice size...
Tim: Could use a little more storage. You know I really don't think this house needs that much work.
Heather: hmm

Jane: and...the bathroom
Heather: Again, I'd really like another bathroom. I like the big deep tub though, but I'd definitely replace that sink. It's way too sterile looking.
Tim: With all the money we'll save we can put in a powder room.

Jane: let's head upstairs

Heather: wow this really is a fixer upper huh
Tim: C'mon, all those floors need is a little cleaning and varnish. They're probably beautiful.

Heather: This is a cute room
Tim: Yeah, perfect for a nursery or a home office. Nice size.

Jane: here's the last bedroom.
Heather: Oh, those windows are so sweet.
Tim: I wish the closets were bigger. Could definitely use more storage.

Jane: Ready to check out the backyard?
Tim: Sure
Heather: Yeah. Tim, can you help me down the stairs?

Heather: This is a good size yard but it really needs some work. I'm really not feeling this.
Tim: Wow, I could park my car here. Plenty of room for Toby to run around.
Heather, to Jane: Toby is our dog.

Jane: So, what do you think?
Tim: This is so close to my work. It's got so much space, and doesn't need that much touching up. Plus the price is great.
Heather: I'm really not about a fixer upper, but I do like the price.
Tim: Thanks Jane. We'll be in touch about our decision.

(Tim and Heather, at home)
Tim: We've got a tough decision to make.
Heather: Yeah, all of the houses were really great.
Tim: Let's talk about the Fixer Upper

(On Screen Text) Fixer Upper Near Work
Pros: under budget
3 bedrooms
historic details

Cons: not move in ready
kitchen upgrade
one bathroom

Tim: I really liked this house. It's it's in a great location, plus it's under budget and it's historic.
Heather: I do like the price but I just don't think I can handle a renovation on top of having a baby. Plus there's only one bathroom and that kitchen needs a total redo.

Heather: Let's talk about the cottage

Tim: This house was adorable, and that fenced in yard was fantastic. Plus there was a basement and a shed, which would really be great for my hobbies.
Heather: I really liked how cute it was, but it's far from work and it only has two bedrooms.
Tim: It was also over budget.

[Text on Screen]
Cute Cottage
pros
newly renovated
spacious yard
great neighborhood

cons
2 bedrooms
over budget
far from work

Tim: What about the Condo?
Heather: I love the modern feel, plus there was way more space than any of the other places, including two bathrooms.
Tim: Still, the storage wasn't ideal, plus it's a condo not a house and it still needed a few upgrades.
Heather: Yeah

Tim: I think I know which house I've chosen.
Heather: Me too.

We chose...

(personally I voted for the condo)

Thank you everyone for reading this incredibly dumb thread I made up for your entertainment. Now it's time to read all the comments about how Tim is a himbo.

also i picked the condo bc it's clearly the most square footage for the money and it requires zero work and the neighborhood is super walkable and tim and heather could just take a bus right into downtown for work easily