Re: Gay Mormons, A Thread™

Personally, when I engage with people who actively choose to make "Mormon" a part of their identity equal to their queerness my motivation is to remind *everyone* that:

Mormonism is antithetical to Queerness.

My frustration comes from the fact that people who identify as "Mormon & Gay" appear to trying to redefine Mormonism in a way that is gaslight-y and lets Mormonism off the hook.

The doctrine, the hegemony of the Church, the culture, the people in it, and the men who lead it, are ALL centered around heteronormativity and the *annihilation* of queerness in this life and the life to come.

Periodt.

So it is MADDENING to me to watch people twist themselves in knots trying in some Orwellian fashion to remake Mormonism into a queer-neutral thing. It is not.

The evidence is in that original complaint: "We get it enough from Mormons."

Yes! Bc *Mormonism* is telling you that it does not *allow* queerness!! Mormonism made itself anti-queer!

Like, don't show up to a PETA Convention and then complain that "PETA people are telling *me*, an avowed animal hunter, that I don't love animals, but identifing as a PETA person, I am upset!"

It is tragic that Mormonism is anti-queer. It is cruel. It is unjustifiable. It is ignorant. It is hateful. It is nothing virtuous or praiseworthy. But it is *real*.

And it is not a minor esoteric leftover appendix of Mormonism that can just be extricated when it gets inflamed. Heteronormativity is one of the two most consistent pillars of Mormonism (the other being submission to priesthood authority).

You can't just do a little snip snip to get the queerphobia out of Mormonism. It is the marrow of the bones.

Pretending that Mormonism isn't anti-queer is the work of the Church's Public Affairs department. It is the work of gaslighting. Nobody need aid the oppressor in the work of their oppression.

And yes, it is possible for an oppressed person, at a certain point, to become complicit and even partially responsible in their own oppression.

Queerphobia (like misogyny, racism, etc) is a structure. To the extent we are not actively contributing to the demolition of that structure we are upholding queer oppression.

The *Church* is to blame for its queerphobia, not the people on the outside who are pointing it out. Identifying queerphobia, or calling out queerphobia, is not oppressing queer people. Nor is it victim-blaming.

And yes, you can be inside an organization or structure and critique and challenge and fight against it and its oppressive power structures. But in so doing you cannot *identify with* the organization or system you are trying to *fundamentally* change. (Note the emphases)

If you are identifying with values and structures external (and diametrically opposed!) to your org/system, and wanting to change your org/system to match your values, your identity is the *values*, not the org you are changing.

You cannot say "I'm a Capitalist Communist." You may exist in a capitalist system, but you identity with the ideals of communism. These two ideas are antithetical to one another.

Yes you may work a 9-5 job, invest in your 401k, buy bread from Walmart. Those are capitalist actions, because you exist in a capitalist system.

But if your ideals are communist and you are working to change the system you live in, and what you *want* is communism, you can't (or, why would want to?) identify as a capitalist.

Similarly you cannot identify as a Totalitarian Democratist. Or an Authoritarian Abolitionist. These ideas are in direct opposition.

Mormon(ism), (like capitalism) is not an identity label. It is a belief system. The system decides for itself what it means. Just because you are (rightly!) uncomfortable with that system *being* queerphobic, does not mean you can will a non-queerphobic Mormonism into existence.

There is a difference between people being a queer person who is or was Mormon and being a queer person who *actively chooses* to make Mormon a co-equal part of their identity.

You can be a Queer who is Mormon.

That is different than being A Queer Mormon.

Or Mormon & Queer.

Actively making Mormon part of your identity when you're queer is like trying to say "I'm Wet & Dry!" and then people point out that those are antithetical ideas and you respond "Well I don't agree with the part of Wetness that is wet."

You don't get to decide what Wetness *means*!

Wetness *is*.
Dryness *is*.
Mormonism *is*.
Queerness *is*.

I'm not trying to force anyone to leave.

I am trying take sure we're being honest about what Mormonism *is*.

I get, very much so, that there is *immense* grief in the realization that your queerness is wholly unaccepted by the religion you grew up in. It is devastating.

But, bargaining with Mormonism is not the honest response. Nor is it sustainable long term. Eventually nearly all of us move from the bargaining stage to the acceptance stage.

We are grieve Mormonism because we realize that Mormonism has left *us*.

The problem is - the whole reason we're having this debate on Twitter - is when it feels like the people in the bargaining stage are telling the people in the acceptance stage that "Mormonism never really left us! Look it's still alive right here!"

For people who have grieved and (to whatever extent) moved on, that can be incredibly re-traumatizing.

Le Fin.