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I was 6 years old when I testified in front of my abuser in court.
I was 6 years old when I had to learn how corrupt the system is when victims come forward.
I was 6 years old and in 1st grade when I missed tons of school to be repeatedly interrogated.
I was 6 years old when I had to learn how corrupt the system is when victims come forward.
I was 6 years old and in 1st grade when I missed tons of school to be repeatedly interrogated.
As a toddler, I was sexually abused, for years. I was emotionally manipulated as a vulnerable child. As I entered Kindergarten, I started questioning the things that were happening. Finally I mentioned something to my mom. Her reaction told me just how wrong it all was.
It was my babysitter& #39;s teenage son. A family my mom had known since before any of them had kids. He was about the same age as my brother (13 years older than me) and friends with him, too. They hung out together. But he hung out with me, too..
Leading up to the trial, I had multiple "interviews". I had psychological and emotional intelligence tests. I was physically examined as a 5 year old. As if the abuse wasn& #39;t enough, a stranger was then poking and prodding in places I came to hate about myself.
I was asked if I knew the difference between a dream and real life. Was all this stuff just happening in my dreams? Was I telling stories about my dreams and nightmares?
(Imagine how much this messed with my head at that age?! Because I had nightmares about the abuse too.)
(Imagine how much this messed with my head at that age?! Because I had nightmares about the abuse too.)
Did I know what the truth is vs a lie? Did someone else do this to me and I was blaming it on the wrong person? How did my mom not notice the blood in my underwear?
(Because he thought ahead, and I was told to hide it too. My mom was NOT at fault tho they tried to make it hers)
(Because he thought ahead, and I was told to hide it too. My mom was NOT at fault tho they tried to make it hers)
On top of that came his defense. "Him and I were never alone together"
There was actually documented proof that we were. He had a seizure and I didn& #39;t know what was happening or where the phone was, so I ran to a neighbor. EMS arrived and no parents present.
There was actually documented proof that we were. He had a seizure and I didn& #39;t know what was happening or where the phone was, so I ran to a neighbor. EMS arrived and no parents present.
(But actually we had been alone often because his parents would visit family or run errands. Or he would take me in his room and close the door, even when everyone else was home.)
Another defense: "He& #39;s a good Christian boy and goes to youth group!"
How does that prevent him from abusing me? Had they never heard of the allegations against priests abusing little boys?? So claiming you& #39;re Christian just makes you unable to do bad things?
How does that prevent him from abusing me? Had they never heard of the allegations against priests abusing little boys?? So claiming you& #39;re Christian just makes you unable to do bad things?
I don& #39;t remember everything honestly. But I remember enough. I remember being questioned in a court room in front of him. I never once looked at him. I looked at the judge or the people I knew. He was there, in the corner of my eye, but I never looked.
I still don& #39;t understand how they thought a 5 year old could just make it all up. How I could magically dream it up, but it never happened in reality? Why I& #39;d put myself through so many "interviews" and exams, or going through intense therapy, if this was fake??
By the time we went to trial, he was 18 or 19 I think. An "adult" who plead not guilty. But he was found guilty and sentenced to 30 days. Of what, I don& #39;t recall. I held on to the "guilty" part as enough of a victory.
But as I got older, and learned the difference between sexual assault and rape, I realized there were several instances (which I described in detail in court) where there was unwanted penetration. Where I said no, where I said it hurt.
Fighting him as a 3-4 year old was clearly useless, but maybe they didn& #39;t believe me because I didn& #39;t actually fight back? Maybe if I had broken down in court it would have been a bigger sentence? (I was calm in court. I had been prepared and rather calloused leading up to it.)
Anyway. I understand why we are so scared to say anything. To bring our stories to police. To put ourselves through all of that after already having gone through so much.
I& #39;m kind of glad I said something when I was so young and naive. When I didn& #39;t know any better. Because now, I& #39;d question everything before doing what I did. I wouldn& #39;t trust the ppl interviewing and examining me like I did when I had blind childlike faith.
Things need to change. Stop protecting and defending abusers. Stop using how "good" of a person they& #39;ve been as an excuse!!!!
