If you see someone drowning - do you immediately ask everyone in the room to define drowning?
Follow up question:

If you spot someone drowning someone, on purpose - do you immediately ask everyone to define drowning?
Follow up-follow up question:

If you spot someone drowning someone, by accident - do you immediately ask everyone to define drowning?
I'll leave today's metaphor as an exercise for the reader.
Surprised someone hasn't asked: "but what about the water...?"
Did you know you can drown in only 3 inches of water?
One second - someone has just asked me to check with the lawyers here...

You there - that means you can put the drowning person back in the water till we sort this out…
*re-appropriates this testimony from a member of an adjacent underrepresented group and uses it to validate our world leading action plan* https://twitter.com/seis_matters/status/1278241344754987011
<The anti-downing, significant hazard management, and other issues committee meets in the Poseidon Room>

The committee looks at itself: No drowned/drowning/liable to be drowned people are present. The committee is quizzical & agrees unanimously to form a new new action plan.
Top of the new action plan: recruit one person who has close experience of drowning to join the 100 person committee, which includes, for balance, 20 people who have been 'involved in drownings' or whose families have directly profited from past incidents.
Exec Sponsor of The anti-downing, significant hazard management, and other issues committee (TADSHMAOIC) to their Exec Assistant:
"The news cycle has moved on, bump all future engagements with TADSHMAOIC from my diary."
EA: "But people are still drowning…"
ES: "Which people…?"
Bereaved family members of a drowning victim lobby 3rd party Agency for statistics about the funding of venues in which drowning can occur.

Through prolonged public campaign the Agency agree there is an issue and start working on the issue...
[Narrator to camera] Don't worry folks, we'll get back to the Agency in due course.

We're due a few tidal waves to create a global focus on the issue first.

[Camera returns back to TADSHMAOIC...]
Members of the anti-downing, significant hazard management continue to meet and diligently discussing the issue.

Between Champagne at a drinks reception to commemorate their efforts, a few comment how lucky they are to be meeting in such a prestigious place as THE Poseidon room.
Outside the drinks reception, a member of the waitstaff trips and falls. They've been working too hard, studying and this second job. They can't afford rent.

They fall into a puddle of champagne and start choking.

No one hears. The hubbub indoors is deafening.
In the reception, it quietens. People are in a good mood. We're onto the good bit!

It's time for people to be named as "2020 Drowning Allies". We have an amazing line up - the prestige is palpable, as each of them have monogrammed solidarity umbrellas (with gold handles, obvs).

The crowd at the event shocked and excited to see that Poseidon's great-great-great grandson has taken the time to join the reception. His family limo adds to the glamour of the event, and, get this he's even wearing the family signet ring*.

[Editor note] That family signet ring was created from an imprint of a medal to the families of those who were drowned in the major floods of 1890. These floods cleared the land for the Poseidon family to exploit and create the family wealth.

The ally awards are a derived copy.
[Editor's second note] People are still drowning.
We've become distracted - in brief - the awards were a success. Hangovers were legendary. The DJ was immense.

The photos look great, we even have clear heterogeneity of audience in a few shots and people are *having fun* too.

It's all so relatable. No one was seen drowning.
At the reception, an impressionable & passionate recent member of TADSHMAOIC started talking to someone about their "anti-drowning workshop" - they even talked £££.

This is great! TADSHMAOIC have been looking for some projects to budget against for next year to 'show action'.
The next TADSHMAOIC committee comes around.

It's surprising. There is no mention of drowning on the agenda. This is really odd, given the news article on Joe Public drowning in champagne at the TADSHMAOIC reception.

The Institution is terrified that minutes will be leaked…
The Committee meeting kicks off. We are reminded of the ground rules - the membership of the committee, who we report to, who we can engage with. Lots of discussion about process. No one can talk about drowning.
The topic circles around. All views are aired. Anger rises.

It's clear - the Executive thinks that all views matter, as "We are Academics".

We are paid to think properly about difficult issues.

One person turns off their mic and sobs. No one notices. https://twitter.com/BMatB/status/1278245722161393664
It's a time of crisis, so the committee agrees to meet again three times more.

The same one person [who we know previously turned off mic] continues to send in apologies for these future meetings.

Committee thinks they are making progress.

A new new new action plan is drafted.
One member of the committee notices that One Person is absent. They reach out.

Turns out that Committee Vice-Chair denied that the the issues raised were problematic.

The VC extended to say that drownings do not happen anywhere in this Institution, as "We are Better".
[Writers note - this thread is a metaphor - if you are angry or concerned - please be reassured that I am not subtweeting you]

[or am I?]
The Committee misappropriates a phrase and idea that one of them saw on social media for their new new new action plan. https://twitter.com/PenguinGalaxy/status/1278323981704204289
New new new action is submitted to Council for ratification. It doesn't fit the formatting, so it gets left in the ether for 6 months. Meanwhile the Clerk of the committee moves roles.

Note - drowning is still happening - the action plan hasn't addressed anything on the ground.

The action plan included items appropriated from community activists. They wrote a letter and gathered public support to dename the Poseidon room. Management agreed. The committee have taken that as a victory, for creating a culture where this change happens.
[Editor's note - the Committee have not informed the Community Activists of this appropriation, nor sent a letter of thanks, nor shared the action plan, nor invited the community group to join the committee, or attend the committee, or see minutes.]
[Editor's second note - we are aware that our readers may think:

(1) The Committee do not like the Community Activists.
(2) The Committee do not want to actually see anything done, especially re: drowning.

Our Editorial line is that we cannot confirm either of these are true.]
It is important that the Committee are seen to be hearing all voices in guiding it's thinking: https://twitter.com/CHemingway1990/status/1278342760882372608
The Institution seeks advice from their social media team for the best format to deploy messaging on this issue. They have noticed a few more Community Activist voices have been 'speaking out' in support anti-drowning policies and approaches.

😳 What about the donors?
I'll close this thread for now.

The news cycle seems to have moved on. We'll now spend our time discussing and thinking about widespread oppression of people based upon the colour of their hair.

Totally different topic.

[Editor's note - but people are still drowning...]
p.s. Funding agency released their data, two years later.

Drownings were joined with cancer based deaths....

...for statistical reasons.

Only the people who were being drowned noticed. Everyone else was happy they had the death stats.
p.p.s. Blond hair people are being oppressed by people with red hair.

It is by utterly by chance that Poseidon's great-great-great grandson *also* has red hair. https://twitter.com/BMatB/status/1278285071150133248
You can follow @BMatB.
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