I just realized something that’s bothering me about all this “allyship” discourse. To be an ally is to be in relationship. But so many of the people claiming that word today are simply not in relationship. A short thread. /1

Being in relationship doesn’t mean reading books by Black authors. It doesn’t mean watching films about Black people. Hell it doesn’t even mean showing up to a protest led by Black people, or in support of the Black community. /2

A lot of what has been a growing discomfort for me around the concept of allyship is that I don’t want or need strangers proclaiming themselves as my allies. I want people who are willing to be in conversation — even if that means listening more than talking. /3

I want people who will play to their strengths in fighting racism. Social justice committee of a prominent synagogue? Use those relationships you’ve built with politicians over the years to push for change. Parents on a PTA? Push for curriculum change in your school. /4

I gave a talk on V-Day and it came to me: the Allies in WWII were in it together against a threat not to any one of them, but to the world order as they saw it. Some of those countries were under direct attack. Others put the lives of their citizens on the line in allyship. /5

Each country played to its strength. They strategized around a shared table with expertise and lived experience guiding the way. Surely there were moments of tension and pain points. But they fought as one — a number of countries deeply intertwined. /6

*This* is what allyship means: deep relationship and collaboration grounded in respect for the people with the lives experience and expertise to know the terrain we are fighting on the best. It is hard work. /7

But defeating racism isn’t about Black people. It’s about the society we want to live in. If that’s what you believe too, I’m honoured to have you by my side. /end