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In "threads about unimportant things given the world on fire," a convo yesterday brought up something that has much potential but is fundamentally broken: Star Wars, Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. Need a break from the news? Let's fix some bad characterization! THREAD
This is, by the way, the discussion that brought this up. The meme prompt was "things you wish you could have written" https://twitter.com/mikechenwriter/status/1277688947494121472
AOTC still kind of makes me mad, because it was such a squandered opportunity. There was a lot of franchise goodwill still, Hayden was coming off a Golden Globe nom, the initial teaser trailer was great.
And then you get to the actual film. On paper, the beat outline for AOTC makes it amazing. And the Kenobi B plot is pretty great. Dooku is great. Geonosis (outside of the droid factory) is great. And Ewan McGregor is rocking the "hero mullet"!
The problem is the film has no heart. It has forced emotions but no real heart because feelings are manufactured by dialogue.
But you could literally have THE EXACT SAME SCENES with different dialogue and the movie would be 1000% better. Just by creating organic emotions. So let's break this down.
We start with our leads. Anakin's traumatized and abused by the Jedi. Kenobi cares but is too dogmatic to show it and has no fatherly instinct. Padme is a lifelong workaholic who doesn't know how to turn it off.
That's a GOOD SETUP.
That's a GOOD SETUP.
So, start on Coruscant. Replace all the creepy Anakin shit for meek politeness. And keep the "beautiful for a senator" response. It's funny because he fails. But it needs a Kenobi punchline.
So Obi-Wan follows Anakin's fail with "forgive my padawan, he learned his social graces from holonet programs." To wink at the audience about Anakin's experience and his line is intentionally bad.
When A+P leave in hiding, keep most of the dialogue but cut the creepy shit. And have Anakin ask Padme about HER. She keeps deflecting with Republic/govt answers. It's all she knows.
They land on Naboo. Padme finally gives a personal answer. Anakin says it's the first time she's talked about herself, not the Republic.
That is a very good MOMENT OF CONNECTION.
That is a very good MOMENT OF CONNECTION.
Meanwhile Obi talks to Mace/Yoda. Obi says specifically that he is being EXTRA TOUGH on Anakin bc he knows he is having mom nightmares. He wonders if he is doing the right thing, maybe Anakin needs something different.
Planting SEEDS OF DOUBT in Kenobi.
Planting SEEDS OF DOUBT in Kenobi.
Also, Obi admits that Qui-Gon would have been a better master for Anakin. Mace huffs that Qui-Gon never knew his place. Obi reacts in a way that tells us THAT is why Qui-Gon would have been the father Anakin needed.
Yoda replies with zen bullshit. Mace is a dick and orders him to keep "young skywalker" in line. Obi nods but looks conflicted. MOMENT OF EMPATHY/JEDI JERKINESS
Back to Naboo. Keep the sand line. It's 100% accurate. As the parent of a young child, I fucking hate sand, and it does get fucking everywhere. Especially in shoes. Fuck, I hate sand.
Frolic in field. Padme tells personal story. Anakin looks at her and says he likes the real P better than senator P. Then he apologizes, says he's "still that boy from tatooine." P says "no you're not."
This inverts the act 1 awkward beat for a MOMENT OF CONNECTION
This inverts the act 1 awkward beat for a MOMENT OF CONNECTION
SEE HOW THEY ARE LOWERING THEIR DEFENSES AND FILLING VOIDS IN EACH OTHER???
Keep the fireplace scene and with the same intent but just write it better because COME ON
Keep the fireplace scene and with the same intent but just write it better because COME ON
Anakin has nightmares. Padme says Shmi was kind to her and the Jedi are wrong here, he should go, THEY should go. And since we're retconning, P reveals her effort to free slaves from EK Johnston's QUEEN'S SHADOW. Which you should buy, it was very good. https://books.disney.com/book/queens-shadow/
Anakin finds Shmi. Sandpeople attack HIM and it grows out of control. He sees a child and stops, pulls himself out of it. No child killing of tuskens. This shows a huge fall to the ROTS temple attack.
Padme comforts Anakin. Change the Kenobi whining to "I should leave the order, I could do so much more. SO. MUCH. MORE."
In his confession, he appears horrified as he says "it was so easy. It was so easy." Acknowledgement of his power AND lure of dark side.
Then keep the lines:
"I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this." "To be angry is to be human." BOOM
Then keep the lines:
"I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this." "To be angry is to be human." BOOM
Keep the rest of the movie the same except just write the dialogue better, except cut the stupid droid factory scene.
Seriously, if you watch Geonosis then go straight into Clone Wars, it feels seamless.
Seriously, if you watch Geonosis then go straight into Clone Wars, it feels seamless.
See, this is NOT hard to fix. You could have 99% the same movie but in a much better job of framing character needs and wants. Someone use Deepfake technology for good instead of evil and give us the Episode 2 we deserve.
Also hi, if you're just stumbling onto this thread and like it, might I add that I'm in the November Star Wars anthology From A Certain Point Of View: The Empire Strikes Back? https://www.starwars.com/news/empire-at-40-from-a-certain-point-of-view-the-empire-strikes-back-authors-revealed
(Also, please support local comic book stores by coming to this virtual pet pageant tomorrow!) https://www.eventbrite.com/e/author-pet-show-with-seanan-mcguire-fonda-lee-annalee-newitz-and-more-tickets-109994847550
END THREAD, cue Star Wars fanfare. See, we've fixed Attack of the Clones!
Also, hat tip to @ek_johnston for filling in a lot of Padme's blanks in Queen's Shadow. Seriously, you should buy that book.
Also, hat tip to @ek_johnston for filling in a lot of Padme's blanks in Queen's Shadow. Seriously, you should buy that book.
