1. I've been thinking a lot about Twitter recently, mostly because, particularly recently, being on it is evoking an actual physical response from me: I can feel my heart rate go up, my stomach clench and generally I tense the way the fuck up.

2. Part of this, of course, is because 2020 is a shitshow of immense proportions, and I follow lots of smart, engaged people raging at that fact, some of whom have large audiences and see it as their role to comment on the shit show (I get that; I do it too).

3. This is not a problem in itself -- I am the last one to complain that people do this -- but it means my 2020 Twitter feed is one long doomscroll that even strategic muting of words, phrases and accounts can't totally contain. It's a lot to take in and it has an effect.

4. Another part of this is more personal: People I know did shitty things and Twitter was where the news got out. The sharing was necessary and important, and also, felt like being punched in the face repeatedly because of who it was and my relationship to all of it.

5. Another part is dealing with the performative aspects of Twitter: I am often called to publicly respond to events, I think often on the assumption that I have an immediate, informed response, and then I'm often graded on that response, and how it comports with expectation.

6. In a real sense, I did this to myself, because -- hey! -- in fact I often *do* respond to events quickly and publicly. But sometimes I'm *not* a Handy Dandy Instant Opinion Machine; it's too close and/or I don't know what I think yet. Sometimes people aren't there for that.

7. A lot of this stuff, which for me had been brewing for a while, came to a head last week; I felt literally overwhelmed by events public, personal and private, and I had to step away from Twitter, and indeed other social media as well, to reset, breathe deep, and process.

8. On top of all of this is the fact that time and energy on Twitter/social media is time away from doing my work. The time thing I knew (I usually block Twitter in the AM to write), but the energy drain of Twitter these days isn't confined to just when I'm looking at it.

9. I've come to the point where I'm aware that I have to rethink not just how much on I'm Twitter (and other social media), but how I interact with it at all. I'm not planning to leave Twitter, but I have to rethink my use of it, because right now it's not healthy for me...

10. ... and if I keep trying to interact with it and use it like I do right now, I suspect it will become less so. We still have half of 2020 to go; I don't think anyone is under the delusion it's going to be any *better* than the first half. And I'm me and have work to do.

11. I value Twitter, and I very much value interacting with people here. There are very good things that make me want to stay. What happens from here is basically me trying to find how to use it in a way that I don't feel the mildest of panic attacks every time I open it up.

12. I'm in the process of figuring out how to do that. It might be more muting of words, phrases, conversations and some accounts. It might be not looking at my follow list as much. It might be fewer posts from me. I'm figuring it out as I go along. We'll see what works.

13. If you're asking what this has to do with you: It doesn't! This is all about me. *You* don't have to do anything. I'll make Twitter work for me (or won't, in which case I'll leave). You're fine. I'm just telling you where I am at the moment with the site and how I use it.

14. So that's where I am with Twitter. I thought you might like to know. Thank you for your attention. And now, as is traditional for a long Twitter thread from me, please accept this photo of a cat as compensation for your time. Have a lovely day.