1./ Sex is currency. Same way money is currency. Make no mistake about it.

Money freely gifted rarely leaves the donor wondering if value was had & received. It was after all a gift. Same thing, when sex is freely given, the donor rarely considers value received in exchange.

2./Sometimes, sex isn’t “freely given” even though it may appear so. It is given “in exchange.”

The problem in those instances often lies in the fact that the donor may not express what they expect in return for sex; either out of a desire to play cards close to the chest,

3./ or a fear of revealing vulnerability.

People are often perplexed when a woman’s attitude about sex at the end of a relationship is one of; “After I gave him sex”.
Sex supposedly provides mutual pleasure and satisfaction, so what d’you mean by “I gave him sex?”

4./ Women have sexual desires the same as men and sometimes are simply after good sex. But other times a woman may have sex with a man as a trade-off for something she desires more than sexual fulfilment.

It may be in exchange for the security/ warmth of being part of a couple,

5./ attention from a man she desires; or the assurance that she still holds sway over a man whom she enjoys having sexual power over.

When she doesn’t feel that she’s got the things for which she essentially traded sex, because she “gave” sex in exchange for those other things,

6./ she feels short-changed. Hence “I gave him sex.” Rather than “we had sex.”

A woman may also “give sex” to a man she likes hoping that a man who‘s after a casual relationship would be coaxed by sexual pleasure into converting the relationship into something more.

7./ When that fails to happen, it may result in feelings of “being used after she gave him sex.”

A young woman may give her virginity& remain in a sexual relationship even if the sex is bad, unsatisfactory and unfulfilling for the cachet of “having a boyfriend.”

8./ When said boyfriend doesn’t live up to the “romantic or other expectations” for which she traded sex, it results in the “after I gave him sex” refrain.

In that instance when people say; “But sex is mutually satisfying,” she’s hard-put to accept or justify that.

9./ Unfortunately because of the “Sex is mutually enjoyable” police, the pretence that sex isn’t currency continues.

Men aren’t unaware of the fact that sex may be given in exchange for something more even when they feign ignorance.

This is a major problem of FWB arrangements.

10./ Sometimes, a woman may expect sex to compel a deeper level of commitment; or greater quid pro quo. Whereas the man is happy to have it remain a booty call. Offering nothing more than the occasional sexual tryst and a superficial friendship undemanding of any real call

11./ on his time or resources.

Because current norms support the narrative that a woman’s sexual liberty shouldn’t define society’s perception of her; even when she may prefer to hold back until she’s sure what the parameters are, in order not to appear “unwoke”

12./ or be seen as overreaching, a woman may slide into a sexual relationship and hope things clarify and sort themselves out as she goes along.

Women aren’t always upfront about what they expect in exchange for access to their bodies in a relationship;

13./but they have some idea of what they expect. When things don’t happen along the lines they hoped, the “After I gave him sex” refrain arises.

Hopefully we’ll get to a point where women are comfortable enough to be more honest about their needs. Call things like they want it.

14./ No point camouflaging ones true desires. Best avoid disappointment down the line.

If your constitution isn’t strong enough for the gamble, keep your sex, or only give it when you know it’s exactly what you want to do.