Read on Twitter
TW: child sexual abuse
listen, I was sexually abused when i was probably 5 or 6 (like many CSA survivors I don’t have concrete memories of that time) by an older teenager (13-14) who was a girl of color from my community. she had probably been sexually abused herself, because+
listen, I was sexually abused when i was probably 5 or 6 (like many CSA survivors I don’t have concrete memories of that time) by an older teenager (13-14) who was a girl of color from my community. she had probably been sexually abused herself, because+
abuse is cyclical and most abusers have experienced abuse themselves. i was a very shy, quiet, sensitive kid who had trouble making friends and I was so bowled over by this older girl’s attention that I probably would have done anything she asked me to do.
I won’t go into detail but I was never subjected to any pain or trafficked etc but I was also 5/6 and had no idea what sex was at all and was manipulated into everything because I literally couldn’t have known any better.
that manipulation is the crux of what child sexual abuse is and why it’s so truly dangerous to normalize the sexualization of children past what they would be emotionally capable of exploring themselves. CSA is complicated and had complicated effects, one for me is that once I
was “introduced” to sex, I became hyper-focused on it. This is common. I was groomed through storytelling (as many children who are incapable of understanding anything else are) so this manifested through obsessively reading erotic fiction. When I was really little
I wanted to act it out through dolls. When I got older, that became fanfics/other erotic literature. A lot of it was written unhealthily, bc it was written by other teenagers, and when I first became sexually active it was... a horrible, disassociative experience. And I put way
too much focus on it, because it’s one of the ways in which I’d come to identify myself. Life experience through age, nearly a decade of therapy, and learning from making the wrong decisions has brought me to a healthy, relatively content and self-aware place now. But I still+
wanted to make this thread, even if only one person reads it, bc it’s important to understand that CSA can be more complex and with more far reaching effects than most people think. So please, be conscious of what you create and how you contribute to this world. That’s all.
