there are nights like tonight where i want to say fuck it and close down my account and leave. and the vicious thing about this is i know almost no one would care or miss me because i can be pretty fucking annoying sometimes. so i don't do it because i can't face that reality,

despite already having to face it in my daily life. i know my brain is playing tricks on me, but i hardly feel wanted. i feel like i'm always begging for attention and i know that drives people away from me. but if i don't, i just wallow in my loneliness. i get told i'm dry and

intimidating when i do my best to carry a conversation when i can, and to be as welcoming as i can. i'm not saying i'm any good at it. i'm not without faults.

i just feel so undesirable, lonely and unwanted at times. there are people i would literally die for if i could, but i

feel like they wouldn't give me the time of day if i didn't basically force myself into their lives. i'm sorry if you're one of those people. you're free to cut ties with me. i'll miss you, but i don't wanna weigh you down any longer.

i feel like i would be more popular or

interesting if i wasn't me. i know authenticity is in, but authenticity doesn't matter if what you have to offer is shallow and people don't like it.
i feel like i would be more desirable if i would just Shut the fuck up sometimes. if i could just sit there and look pretty. and

i feel really sorry for you all that have to deal with what is basically a pity party of an account. sorry.

the rest of this thread will just be arbitrary things that make me feel unwanted, which are often related to me being needy, that i just need to let out of my system.