I grew up with someone like this, and the past week in SFF has been a lot to process. https://twitter.com/gaileyfrey/status/1277740685727133696">https://twitter.com/gaileyfre...

The most abusive person I know is someone who, for instance, identified strongly with the book The Art of Seduction as a manual for manipulating people, and took pride in this. But also frequently portrays themselves as a victim of various people in their life.

Because the most abusive person I know frequently frames herself as a victim, and I think genuinely believes herself to be a victim, I’ve always interpreted “believe victims” as “approach victims in good faith, with empathy and compassion.”

But I do not believe I have victimized this person by choosing to protect myself and my family from her, even though she might feel that I have. I believe her pain and I’m sorry for it. I don’t believe her accounting of most situations, however. Because I was there for enough.

It seems like a lot of people interpret “believe victims” as “no one is ever incorrect about having been victimized” and, when you intimately know the way abusers often describe themselves as being victimized, that realization can actually feel really isolating.