You know when someone does something that deeply hurts you and puts your nervous system in fight or flight mode, you can develop an obsession with them? So please stop telling people to simply “stop thinking about” someone who deeply hurt them. If they could, they would!

The obsession is your mind’s way of revisiting the trauma over and over again until you process/integrate it. And sometimes it takes professional help to process it and feel safe again. So again, people’s obsession with past abusers is usually NOT in their control

This is often why people develop a fixation on the “other person” when they get cheated on. Even if the spouse didn’t leave you for that other person, your brain is fixed on them because they played a role in a traumatic event that deeply scarred you

And no it is not something you can logically surpass. You can’t simply “think” it away. It has impacted your nervous system. Think about when you’re afraid of something and your body naturally runs away from it. You don’t have to think about it, you just react

It’s like that except reversed. Your body doesn’t run from it. You instead run towards it and fixate on it, hoping to find some sort of relief. Hoping that your mind will process it correctly and send the message that “you’re safe, it’s over now” so you can stop suffering