One of the ways my Imposter's Syndrome manifests is by thinking that I'm failed my dissertation adviser -- an *incredible* scholar who, I swear, hauled me through hard parts of the program by the scruff of my neck -- wouldn't be interested in me now b/c I'm so boring/unproductive

Rest assured, this is ALL about me and has NOTHING to do with her. She'd be flat-out horrified by this idea

I think part of the issue is that reciprocity is really important to me. And, I keep seeing "reciprocity" foolishly through the lens of productivity and publication.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing -- I'm sure all mentors want to see their mentees excel

But a better frame came through @prof_mirya's #MHAWS today:. How do we pay back our mentors and all the folks who helped get us here?

We pay it forward. Aggressively.

THIS is the reciprocity we need (and it helps me tell me Imposter's Syndrome to eff off)

This part in particular, my friends. This part in particular.

When we get the privilege of being able to be able to travel to see our colleagues at a conference, instead of bitching about how comments are always crappy, just do the work.

Given how often I got amazing comments from Elisabeth, often on really shitty work, this is quite literally, the least I can do. And it's liberating, b/c it's something I can do concretely.