Current Premier league managers rated as yer step dad

A thread:
Arsenal - Mikel Arteta
Has a decent size house that smells nice and keeps out of your way.

Buys the family a sky sports package and a dominoes his first weekend in the gaff

Cons: makes your actual dad look bad

Full wardrobe is from the littlewoods catalogue

Aston Villa - Dean Smith

Pros: Decent car and will give you lifts to school/college/work etc. (But will make you feel bad for asking too)

Likely to be one of your dads best mates who's betrayed him and have dick head kids who are now your defacto family

Bournemouth - Eddie Howe

Pros: Wouldn't have the bollocks to shout at you and has decent chat.

Is fair with sharing the telly

Cons: Passive Aggressive and asks yer maw to ask you to do stuff for him. Likely to try too hard.

Insists on everyone sitting together to eat
Brighton - Graham Potter

Pros: Decent level of banter without trying too hard, makes yer ma laugh and is fair around the house.

Cons: Exclusively wears sketchers and outdoor gear on the weekends

Makes your family spend weekends doing shite hikes in the cairngorms
Burnely - Sean Dyche

Cons: Tries to assert his dominance in the house and goes mental over the smallest thing

Has 0 banter and dominates the telly remote (let's you know he's the one paying for sky)

Pros: Not averse to getting a takeaway in on the weekend
Chelsea - Frank Lampard

Cons: Tries to act cool and offers to let you wear his clothes. Got young kids of his own who live with you on weekends. Definition of all the gear and no idea.

Pros: Decent Gaff, Car and chat. Moderate with in house disputes.
Decent at FIFA

Crystal Palace - Roy Hodgson

Cons: Bit too old for yer ma in your opinion. Big house that smells weird. Weirdly militant about watching The One Show.

Pros: Decent guy around the house, nips you anywhere you like in "the jag", decent clobber for an older bloke

Everton - Ancelotti

Cons: definitely too old for yer maw and a bit of a temper. Always shouts at you in Italian. Absolute banter vacuum. Shit car for someone with his money.

Pros: Not arsed about the telly cos he spends most of his time reading the paper.

Leicester - Brendan Rodgers

Cons: Awful taste in music, films, food & telly. Weirdly confrontational about small stuff. cuts about in those tinted sunglasses that only middle aged men wear (you know the ones). No banter & thinks he's hilarious

Pros: No kids of his own.

Liverpool - Jurgen Klopp

Cons: will absolutely smash the crisps, especially your favourite flavours. Decent Banter, but gives it you infront of your mates.

Pros: Sky sports, takeaways and PS5 secured. decent at sharing the telly. Let's you put your tunes on in the car.

Man City - Pep Guardiola

Cons: Really protective over his gear
So much as smell his aftershave without his permission & he's banging on your bedroom door fuming.

Pros: Top level of banter but knows when to leave it. sorts out class family holidays. Not stingy with lifts
Man Utd - OGS

Cons: The type of bloke who you just laugh at when he's mad but that also just makes you feel sorry for him. You can't understand what yer ma sees in the guy at all.

Pros: Generally an okay bloke, doesn't get mad too often, decent taste in music & clothes

Newcastle UTD - Steve Bruce

Cons: A little bit on the older side, & a bit of a disciplinarian around the gaff but consistent with this & generally fair.

Pros: top level of banter for an old bloke & loves a chippy tea. Happy to share a few cans with you too on the weekend

Nowrich - Farke

This guy screams dickhead step dad

Cons: isn't into football, only watches skiing & snowboarding on eurosport. Exclusively drinks red wine so never has any cans in to share

Pros: massively expands your snack horizons with a fine selection of deli meats.

Sheff Utd - Chris Wilder

Cons - Packs the fridge out with honking food like crab sticks, spam & half eaten tins of beans

Pros - consistently good birthday/Christmas presents, gets you cheap driving lessons too cos his best mate from down the pub is an instructor

Sthampton - Ralphie H

Cons: favourite films are the Bourne supremacy, The Bourne Ultimatum, & Jason Bourne.

Pros: decent around the gaff, dece car and dece banter. He's set apart by a steady vinyl collection & a mate who regularly gets hold of special edition trainers

Spurs - Mourinho

Cons: blames anything that goes wrong in the house on someone else, if he farts he blames it on the dog

Pros: Smashes the big occasions, elite tier banter at weddings, family do's etc. has everyone in stitches. Makes you feel at ease. Decent dancer too.

Watford - Pearson

Cons: Shocking temper, come to blows a few times over the telly remote and last sausage roll. Absolute fascist when it comes to the car radio and only listens to radio 4.

Pros: literally none, you're going to stop at your dads for a bit, see how it goes

West Ham United - Moyes

Cons: "listen, I know I'll never replace yer da & I know all about replacing people, but a was hoping we could be mates, for yer maw's sake..."

Pros: steady performer in snack, car, house manner and holliday departments just a bit "meh"

Wolves - N.E.S

Cons: orders takeaway but it has to be "interesting cuisine" sushi, a little Ethiopian dish, anything with the word "fusion" in it

Pros: Good laugh in the house & got a banging time share in the algarve you'll get to use on your own when you're old enough

That's it lads, happy to do any special requests,

If you enjoyed this thread it's your dury to RT or suffer Pearson as your step da.

You also might enjoy my twitch channel where I churn out the same mediocre comedy 
Special request via @McmanusPedalo
Tony Pulis (n/a)

Cons: has to be 15 mins early wherever he goes & now so do you

The sound of his trackies rubbing together haunts your family 24/7.

Always worried he will fight you naked

Pros: loves a taybarns / Harvester on sundays
Calls for the championship to be added...

From @LeedsLion and @MattyhHeaton

We Move
My beloved Barnsley FC - Struber
Cons: Has a tendency to shite with the bathroom door open. Has 3 CD's in the car all called something like "99 anthems for dads"

Pros: not a bad dresser for a bald geezer and absolutely transforms the garden after a trip to BnQ with mum

Birmingham - Pep Clotet

Cons: Good looking bastard who puts yer da to shame. Constantly talks about "the spice of life". Says his mum is "tu abuela" now

Pros: Has a cracking taste in snap and cooks a mean spag bol himself. Takes your mum out dancing, which is nice.

Blackburn - Mowbray

Cons: Toxic masculinity shows whenever you make toast. "That's just warm bread !" he screams has he eats an absolutely crucified bit of what used to be warburtons

Pros: Doesnt mind taking you down the pub on the odd super Sunday. Sneaks you a pint too
Brentford - Thomas Frank

Cons: One of these "Arty" types who's house is full of paintings of tits. "There's nothing wrong with the female form" he says, looking at your mum

Pros: Takes your mum away for full weekends at a time leaving you to have some steady house parties

Bristol City - Lee Johnson

Cons: Its all "Pub lunches and playstations" at the start but once he's got his feet under the table it's a nightmare.

Makes you cut the grass for your "pocket money".

Pros: He's really short and you absolutely batter him for it.

Charlton - Lee Bowyer

Cons: Tightest bloke alive despite earning a fair bit. Once had tears in his eyes cos you'd put the heating on a bit too high.

Pros: The anti-Johnson, starts poor but grows on you. Decent taste in films, makes you watch goodfellas for the first time

Cardiff City - Neil Harris

Cons: Used to be your Sunday league coach and the lads hammer you for it. Everyone else in the family thinks he's okay but they dont know him like you do.

Pros: takes the family down to the pub for quiz night and gets the wings in. Fair play.

Derby County - Cocu

Cons: A warm bugger if ever you saw one. Knows just a little bit too much about Wine and kisses your mum way too much in the kitchen.

Pros: Lot of booze to be nicked from his cellar and not a bad bloke to have around the house.
Taking a bit of a break, will continue this fine thread later today
Fulham - Scott Parker
Cons: wont stop asking you to come play 5 aside with him & "the lads from work".

Likely to quote jokes to you he's nabbed off the internet as if they're his own

Pros: Decent bloke around the house, completely changes your views on kettle chips

Huddersfield - D Cowley
Cons: You're always out with his family for one reason or another, one of his brother's kids do's or something

Looks/moves kinda reminds you of the Thunderbirds

Pros: Part of a group that let's him know where to buy theheapest crates. Cans galore 6.5/10
Hull - Grant McCann
Cons: Bathroom is a no go zone for a good 40 after he's used it. Especially if he's been on the Sunday roasts.

Pros: Good laugh around the house, obsessed with monster munch so there's always plenty in the cupboard

*Bonus well trained pet dog*

Leeds - Bielsa
Cons: bit old for your mam
Goes mental if you make him miss the Antiques Road show

Pros: Gets the house running like clockwork cos everyone is terrified of him

Sort of like a mad grandad you see on films

Backs ya up in school if the teachers are on one

Luton - N Jones
Cons: The type to leave yer mum for a richer woman £ come crawling back when it goes sour

Pros: put the work in with you as a young kid so you're attached, but now he's come back you're not sure

Guilt of leaving your ma & coming back got you a car

Middlesborough - Warnock

Cons: Nightmare to live wi, get a bollocking if ya so much as get out the shower wet

Makes you earn a can "you've got to die for 3 pints" he screams

Pros: not sure if this is a pro but he keeps pork scratchings in his glovebox for emergencies

Millwall - Garry Rowett

Cons: Thinks he's ten tonne, obsessed with fantasy football

Doesnt have a car, has a bike instead that he takes your mum out on.

Pros: Has a full pantry dedicated to snap. Loves a big takeaway order on a Saturday but he has to pick

Forest - Lamouchi
Cons: really quiet bloke, dont get a lot out of him at home

Gets the face on if you swear in your own house

Pros: makes your mum the happiest you've seen her in years, has lots of old family recipes that he says he might teach you one day

Preston NE - Alex Neil
Cons: Always on edge, type of bloke who always thinks there's someone at the door, a bit like a dog.

Shocking taste, got mrs brown's boys on box set.

Pros: Likes a tidy house but does the work himself. Only gets on at you when you deserve it really

QPR - Warburton
Cons: "I've got mates in the force who could show you a thing or two"

Constantly reeks of cigs & coffee

Trousers always seem worryingly too tight at the gusset

Pros: Cracking taste in telly, has programmes on ya wouldnt pick yourself but end up enjoying

Reading - Warburton

Cons: no one you know has ever heard of the bloke. Where did her mam even meet him ? Seems like he could be a spy, a grass, a chartered accountant or all of the above

Pros: House is nearer to a few of your mates & he dresses surprisingly smart

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