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I am generally discomfited by the notion we should disclose personal experiences to buy a ticket on the train of the worthwhile.
However since it& #39;s all coming out in a book soon anyway, I should bite that bullet and offer some of my very specific to being female experience.
However since it& #39;s all coming out in a book soon anyway, I should bite that bullet and offer some of my very specific to being female experience.
And there goes my pounding heart. Right on cue. #trauma
If you& #39;ve only come across me in the GI debate, you may not know I& #39;m also the national convenor of the Aust homebirth network, Joyous Birth. I began it in 2004. I never want another woman to experience obstetric violence.
If you& #39;ve only come across me in the GI debate, you may not know I& #39;m also the national convenor of the Aust homebirth network, Joyous Birth. I began it in 2004. I never want another woman to experience obstetric violence.
Sweating palms. 
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Long story short: in 2009 my 3rd child was born still at home.
I chose to birth her, unlike my previous 2, with my family & chosen family present.
She suffered a brain haemorrhage of unknown origin & was born dead into my hands, in water, at home.
Long story short: in 2009 my 3rd child was born still at home.
I chose to birth her, unlike my previous 2, with my family & chosen family present.
She suffered a brain haemorrhage of unknown origin & was born dead into my hands, in water, at home.
Now I type & cry.
We called an ambulance, received 2 ambulances, a number of cop cars & a forensic bus as well. I was not allowed to travel to hospital with her. I was still naked from birthing her when I noticed police walking into my home, peering into rooms.
We called an ambulance, received 2 ambulances, a number of cop cars & a forensic bus as well. I was not allowed to travel to hospital with her. I was still naked from birthing her when I noticed police walking into my home, peering into rooms.
She was declared dead in the hospital & I was allowed to hold her & be with her father in a bed in emergency. We were not allowed to be alone with her, we were not allowed to remove any tubes. The police could see me in my distress with my dead baby in my arms at all times.
They took her from me, to the morgue in Glebe where, without my consent, several days later her tiny body was cut into.
The media blasted me immediately as a killer. People flooded my email with death threats & serves you right, murderous bitch.
The media blasted me immediately as a killer. People flooded my email with death threats & serves you right, murderous bitch.
3 years later an inquest found she had died because of my socio-political beliefs.
My baby died, as sadly will six or seven babies today in Australia, because she was unsuited to life earthside in some way. 50% of stillbirths, like mine, are of unknown cause - no one& #39;s fault.
My baby died, as sadly will six or seven babies today in Australia, because she was unsuited to life earthside in some way. 50% of stillbirths, like mine, are of unknown cause - no one& #39;s fault.
From time to time on here you& #39;ll see some TRA haha at me, call me a baby murderer, remind me, since I& #39;m never allowed to move to my own timetable of grief, that my baby, my much loved wanted baby girl, died.
Mother taunting is a sport. Fathers don& #39;t receive this treatment.
Mother taunting is a sport. Fathers don& #39;t receive this treatment.
I am treated this way because I am a woman, who grew a baby in her body who did not live. I am a woman who spoke, and will always speak, for women& #39;s autonomy in birth and life. So I had to be punished.
Some people will always want to punish me for my loss.
Some people will always want to punish me for my loss.
People still tell each other, knowingly, while they suck their teeth & try to empty my bones of marrow, that "she got away with it."
You never "get away" from loss. It lives in you forever. I will be 80 one day, and still have one child who stayed a baby forever. I love her.
You never "get away" from loss. It lives in you forever. I will be 80 one day, and still have one child who stayed a baby forever. I love her.
This is one of my stories of being female. Of always being a wrong woman, wrong mother, with wrong views & murderous intent. I& #39;ve read that I have a murderous face, in fact. You be the judge.
I know I am none of these things & my feminism has sustained me because I know how they
I know I am none of these things & my feminism has sustained me because I know how they
hate us and were it not me in the headlights, it would be any one of you.
I do not bear ill will towards those who punished me in this way. I know the disconnect of humanity, the self hatred & social pressure to cast women out when we will not obey. I understand your urge.
I do not bear ill will towards those who punished me in this way. I know the disconnect of humanity, the self hatred & social pressure to cast women out when we will not obey. I understand your urge.
I know you believe that by casting a wide spell of difference between us, you can bargain with the universe and keep your children safe. The less you are like me, the less you will attract the evil spirits who steal babies from mothers& #39; wombs. The less public condemnation of you.
But I know your humanity is really bound up with mine & I cannot cut or cast you from my heart or my work. I will hold onto your humanity till you can claim it for yourself.
The punishment is reserved for women, for mothers. I have found my seat with my sisters, never to leave.
The punishment is reserved for women, for mothers. I have found my seat with my sisters, never to leave.
