Ok mine never did any of this, but gather around children, & I will now tell you the story of how my grandmother, the quietest women ever, beat up the most famous magician in Asia in the middle of his act 1/ https://twitter.com/Lawn_Destroyer/status/1277385923919876096

Context: We're talking Calcutta, in the early 90s. The whole continent is still in thrall to the First Family of Magic, the Sorcars. PC Sorcar was the original David Copperfield/Blaine. Man was making trains filled with thousands of ppl vanish. 2/

By the 90s however, old man Sorcar was retired and his son, Pc Sorcar Jr was the new king. And he was pretty much just as good as Papa. In case you've been wondering, Sorcar started as Sarkar and yes, its because Sorcary, Sorcery and that pun happened only 10000 times a show 3/

Anyway, back to the story, Sorcar Jr is in town to kick off a new national 30 city tour called Invisible Man. Named for the main event where hero vanishes mid-trick on stage, & reappears in the audience to awed applause, still performing the trick. Proper Apparation stuff. 4/

So its the last of the 3 nights in Cal. My gran as a treat gets us tix. But ofc we get stuck in Cal traffic so we're almost 40 min late. I'm super anxious. We get there, get told where to sit but after we're in I go straight for the best seats in the middle which are vacant. 5/

So we get there and I take one of the middle ones, she sits next to me. . Those seats are not empty because happy coincidence met Ramdas' eagle eye, no sir. You see where this is going , right? Those seats are empty because its now Invisible Man time 6/

And by that I mean its Invisible Man time in about 3 seconds, as it turns out. In the seat my grandmother is sitting in. Like literally. We sit down, theres a boom on the stage, smoke wreathes upwards and next thing I know PC effing Sorcar Jr is sitting in my grandmother's lap 7/

What follows is either from Laurel and Hardy or the Shining, depending if you were the audience or PC Sorcar Jr. Gran screams "AIYYO! ADDHI VANGVE" which loosely transliterated friom Tamil in this context becomes "OW OK I'MMA FUCK YOU UP NOW". No, Gran don't make idle threats 8/

One millisecond after demonstrating apparation, PC Sorcar Jr got a full flat palm shot in the middle of his back, which caused him to also immediately demonstrate levitation as well as a highly impressive swear word that I'd never actually heard before. 9/

He eventually landed and turned, and immediately got a left hand to the face. The next 2 minutes are the greatest mayhem seen in Calcutta since Saturday Club offered free cigarettes to everyone who wrote tragic poetry. Security, public, pugilistic advice, all flowed freely. 10/

Meanwhile Gran is demanding police and PC Sorcar , face now covered by hanky, is saying "Madam it was not at all malintention. This is just tragic circumstance. I am a decent man Madam" while I sit there wishing I could be invisible man.

And thats the story. RIP, Kabi. fin/

CORRECTION: A schoolfriend who say this told me the 30 citry tour thing was a rumour running around school and he can't actually recall if its true, so putting it out there. 7 year old me may in fact not have been the best witness possible.