The contrabass family of instruments is absurd.

Honorable mention goes to the OCTOBASS and HYPERBASS flute.

Yes they are all real instruments.

Does the world really need a HYPERBASS flute?
I don't know.
Maybe as much as it needs a piccolo trombone or a pochette (pochette means pocket cuz that's where it fits) or an archlute

I can't believe I forgot about the contrabass balalaika

Now, the sopralto braithophone isn't that big. It's just in a league all its own.

Ooh a sub contrabass whistle
I don't think it's the sliding variety.

Fuck you. Now you're just being facisous. Double subcontrabass my ass