Today, for the first time since my #autism diagnosis, I went out to get groceries. I normally go to 2 stores (similar atmospheres, different prices). So I did an experiment and wore earbuds to one of them. Played some white noise.

You guys, this knowledge has changed my LIFE. I'm usually at least an ~8/10 at the store, very anxious and overwhelmed and easily distracted. This brought me down to maybe a 4.

I focused, I was in less sensory pain, I wasn't so hypervigilant or on the edge of a shutdown. I even remembered to buy everything I needed even though I had left my list at home.

When I learned I was #actuallyautistic, I felt kind of neutral about it. I mostly thought, "ok, so what? I'm functioning decently the way I am." But now, I've started to feel glad. It's helping me start to know myself more intimately.

I don't fit into all the DSM criteria boxes neatly. I've started thinking of this spectrum not as a single sliding scale, but as a whole bunch of sliding scales. You know, like the kind djs use? And I'm still figuring out where I am on all of them.

But this diagnosis means I have a guideline, a structure around which I can shape my environment. Something I can use to guide myself as I change the environment around me and adapt it to my needs.

And of equal importance: now I have more spoons today that I can spend on my friends, on my partner, on myself, and on the work I want to do but never have the spoons left to accomplish. The benefits of better accessibility will ripple out around me.