I’m breaking the habit of getting into relationships whether it be platonically or romantically and forgetting to take my cup of love and pour into my vessel. I tend to get involved with people and neglect my vessel because I’m pouring into someone else’s. It leaves me drained.

I noticed this pattern. When I’m alone I hype myself up. I know I’m the shit. But I get involved with someone and it’s like hey I want you to acknowledge it and when they don’t my self esteem gets lowered. When I feel neglected it fucks with my self-confidence.

It’s like I lose the momentum I had when I get involved with someone else. When I’m alone I am certain of who I am. I am extremely confident in myself and my abilities. When the person doesn’t show me the love, affection and attention I desire that confidence starts to diminish.

The reason why people are attracted to me is because of the level of self confidence I possess. However my level of self love WASNT equivalent. So I would take my cup of love and pour into them and neglect myself which resulted in me feeling empty. Now I’m drained emotionally.

Now my cup of love is empty. I don’t have anything to offer myself because I gave it all away. That person never filled my cup back up. They never reciprocated so I start to think well hm was it something wrong I did? Is it something wrong with me? Do I need to do this or that?

I start to think of reasons as to why they didn’t reciprocate. Why didn’t they fill my cup up? Because I lacked a certain level of self love I think I am the reason why they didn’t. Not because of them. I didn’t love myself enough to think they were the problem and not me.

That’s when I would start to overcompensate. Because the whole time I’m not realizing this person isn’t reciprocating because of themselves. I think it’s because of me. I pour more & more into their vessel in hopes they would pour back into mine. It never worked & it never will.

So I’d get frustrated. Now I’m drained emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually because the whole time I’ve been pouring and pouring and receiving nothing in return. I’d take some alone time to recharge and refill my cup of love back up. Regain my self confidence.

I would only sometimes take that cup of love and pour into my vessel when we separated. When I don’t have anyone else to give it to I would pour it into myself. That’s the issue. That is when I realized that I had a problem: pouring into myself when I have no one else to give to.

Something clicked in my head: why do I have to wait until I’m separated from someone to start loving myself the way I want to be loved. Why do I have to separate from someone to start being generous and kind to myself? Why do I give to others and not give to myself?

Why does it take for me to be mistreated to start treating myself the way I want to be treated? Why am I neglecting myself? Then it hit me: I don’t love myself enough. I’m confident in myself but I don’t love myself. There’s a big difference between the two. I had an AHA moment.

Mfs don’t do right by me and all of a sudden I wanna start taking myself out on dates, I wanna get cute, I wanna tell myself you the shit, I wanna buy gifts, I wanna do this & I wanna do that becuz he or she didn’t wanna do it with me or for me so now I’m gonna do it for myself.

Nah g fuck that. I’m tired of getting in relationships platonically or romantically and losing myself. I’m tired of taking my cup of love and pouring it all away to the point I’m left drained. I’m tired of feeling empty cause I gave too much of myself away. That cycle is OVER!

I’m taking myself out on dates regardless of what relationship I’m in or what connection I have. I’m buying myself gifts regardless. I’m gonna take that cup of love and pour into MY VESSEL regardless of who is or isn’t around me. I gotta be cautious with my shit from now on.

Cause baby if I pour too much from my cup of love then I won’t have any to pour back into myself. It ain’t being selfish. I gotta preserve this cup of love. I worked too damn hard drawing it from MY well so no I can’t give it away freely. Nah you might run off with my shit.

So from this day forward I’m taking that cup of love and I’m gonna pour into my vessel CONSISTENTLY because I deserve to be loved the way I want to be loved. And the only person who can make sure that happens is ME. The only person who is responsible for that is ME.

My family isn’t responsible for it. My friends aren’t responsible for it. My partner isn’t responsible for it. I am the only person responsible for giving the love I desire and require. I am the only one who can CONSISTENTLY & WITHOUT A DOUBT fill my own cup of love. ME! ME! ME!

I don’t have to be selfish I just gotta be selective. I have to use my discernment & trust my intuition to guide me to who is worthy of receiving from MY cup of love. It is mine and it belongs to me. No one else. If you want a sip from this cup you better work for it like I did.

And that was the issue. Freely given away my cup of love as if I didn’t work hard to fill it up. As if I didn’t have to go within to draw from a well that is within ME! Tuh. Not anymore. If I gotta work to fill this cup of love that belongs to me, yo ass gotta work to receive.