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I noticed that I made this account to be myself finally for once in my life and make videos and what not but my ass is still insecure and scared of being myself around COMPLETE STRANGERS so like old habits really do die hard I guess. Just wtf how do people just be themselves
I try to knock my sheep tendencies but they are just so ingrained in me no matter how hard I try. So I end up putting on an act or character almost instead of being real. But lemme tell yall folks I& #39;m real, REAL SAD haha see what i did there. Like I& #39;m mostly just a depressed
Sack of laziness. Who gets depressed and does nothing THEN gets depressed that I did nothing. ON TOP of my own issues. So its just so AHHH so my go to coping mechanism is putting on act like I& #39;m cool when in reality I& #39;m really not. And I just want to be okay
I just want to be happy and be me but it& #39;s so hard because the majority of life I have tried to conceal my real self or hide my own personality so people will like me or so that people wont judge me. So I like know myself BUT LIKE NOT AT ALL
Like I literally second guess every single thing I like and think to myself "wait what if someone else doesnt like it" so I can literally be sitting down for like twenty minutes tryna FIGURE OUT WHAT MY FAVORITE COLOR IS AND ITS JUST WTF DUDE
Like how can a person be alive so fucking long and not even know themselves in the slightest. Like it& #39;s so hard I just want to be me. But my fear of literally everything runs my life
So then I dont edit my videos because I fear ima mess up. Then I dont record much either because I& #39;m afraid I& #39;m gonna mess that up too. Or I& #39;m afraid I& #39;m gonna be unfunny. And well jesus I& #39;m just scared of literally everything. Like I really just let fear run my life
And I want to stop but it& #39;s just so hard. So I want to keep making things because deep down I feel I do like it and I can be good at it but I let the overwhelming pressure I put on myself ruin it. And then yet again fear runs my life
And idek if I& #39;m gonna post this BECAUSE IM SCARED OF WHAT STRANGERS ARE GONNA THINK LIKE WHATTT???? I DONT EVEN KNOW ANY OF YALL. And that& #39;s completely fine but for me to worry soooooooo god damn much about what STRANGERS THINK?????? That& #39;s just silly honestly
Like I& #39;m a really fucking weird strange person. And I& #39;m not tryna sound like a 16 yr old girl wearing men& #39;s size 13 nikes. I just act like a dumbass most times by myself and well I have a hard time showing that side of my self to others because again I have lived
My whole life being afraid of being judged instead of just admitting what I like and admitting who I am. And I& #39;m just tired of that shit honestly. It& #39;s so tiring. Idk what else to say but ima just post this thread anyway to get over this stupid fear of posting because why not
People arent always happy and that& #39;s allright to talk about. But I dont want to make this a habit either where I just become a depressed ranter all the time. So I want to find a nice balance with everything
So heres to not letting fear run my life anymore I guess..woohoo
