Being a Medical Student admit as a patient in the psychiatric ward - A THREAD

I was meant to be presenting my experiences at the Royal College of Psychiatrists International Congress in the next few days

Sadly, COVID has cancelled that so I thought I'd post a thread here

Medical School started off with me feeling on top of the world. I was doing my dream course, had the typical 'omg I'm starting uni' feeling and felt like nothing could go wrong.

But it did.

In January of first year, my mood started becoming low. By May, it was dangerously low

One night in London, I was walking around aimlessly in a rather dangerous mood. Before I knew it, I was in the back of an ambulance being taken to an emergency mental health team.

I'll remember arriving there because the psychiatrist wasn't...the nicest.

"You're a MEDICAL STUDENT" the psychiatrist said to me. "I have patients with no homes, no jobs, nothing. Yet, you're here at this time."

I remember looking at the floor feeling very ashamed. I felt like I was being berated. I was wondering if I was cut out to be a Med Student

After all the berating and patronising 'mmm's' to my answers, it was decided that I was to be admitted as an inpatient.

There were no beds in all of London, however. So I had to sleep all night on a tiny sofa before being transferred miles out of London next morning.

When I arrived at the unit, I was searched extensively. They took things like my phone charger and wallet. I was miles away from home, in a state of mental despair. No one responded to my text messages when I told them.

To say I felt frightened and alone is an understatement.

To lose your liberties in such a way is a feeling I cannot put into words. I remember craving salt and vinegar crisps and considering running away from the unit just to get some.

People laugh at that when I tell them. When you lose basic freedom though, it's not that funny.

But the team at this unit were MUCH BETTER compared to the first psychiatrist. Here, the psychiatrist had the best patient manner I have seen.

The nurses went out of their way to make sure I had halal food. They'd stop to say 'hi'. Small things like that made a huge difference.

Initially, I was far too scared to go to group therapy sessions that were suggested to me. I didn't know anyone and by this point, given most people had ignored my texts asking for help, the last thing I wanted to do was talk to other people.

But I did eventually go along. There, I met a surgeon who was also admit as a patient. I ended up feeling less alone than I did in a long time.

So much for the 'you're a MEDICAL STUDENT' spiel by the first psychiatrist. This surgeon really helped motivate me.

I ended up making a lot of friends during these therapy sessions.

I hate it when people call mentally ill patients 'crazy'. Most people were lovely - just ill. Most had also lost their friends from the 'real' world. I can't stand Med Students making jokes about such patients.

Given how suddenly my admission happened, I had no change in clothes. So I wore my Med School hoodie throughout my admission.

Lots of people - patients AND staff (!) - thought I was there on placement after seeing the hoodie. Many were shocked when they learnt I was a patient.

Eventually, it was my birthday. I was still in the unit and felt really miserable. This wasn't how I wanted to spend my 20th. The staff did all they could to help - they'd wish me 'happy birthday' as I'd pass them. I'd be lying if I said I felt OK after that though.

Then to my surprise, my parents arrived. The night before, I had accidentally revealed to them where I was. I wasn't sure what their reaction would be.

I held my breath.

But they brought cake. Lots of the patients joined in the celebrations and my smile was genuine for once.

Eventually, I was stable enough to be discharged. I still wasn't feeling great but it was a milestone.

The whole staff were there with a smile to see me off as I left. The surgeon-patient shook my hand and wished me luck. As did all the other patients I made friends with.

The whole experience taught me just how difficult it is to feel vulnerable as a patient. Small things like saying 'hi' really do make a difference. Patronising your patients like the first psychiatrist did is completely unnecessary. I still can't see what his objective was.

4 years on, things are looking much better.

In that time, I graduated with a 1st in my intercalated BSc and won a prize. To walk in front of a clapping audience on stage in the Royal Albert Hall to collect that prize is something I'll never forget. Especially after everything.

I was finally discharged from mental health services a few months ago and am going into my final year of Med School.

For other Med Students - people will make assumptions & try to suggest Medicine isn't for you. Don't listen to them. #medtwitter #MedStudentTwitter #mentalhealth

I'm really overwhelmed with the number of kind responses to this thread. Thank you all so very much!

I have lots and lots of messages which I will try my best to get back to as soon as I can.

(P.S. For those who asked - yes, I did get the salt and vinegar crisps eventually!)