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I was sexually abused by my ex. (Thread)
to this day it still feels weid to say it because I’m a man, I’m a fucking alpha, i have a strong personality. Hell, I’m even dominant in bed. But that just proves it really can happen to anyone, bcos it happened to me.
For quite some time, i kept quiet about it. I never told anyone, not even my closest friends. Partly bcos i was indenial it happened, party bcos i was afraid people wouldn’t take it seriously bcos I’m a man,
and partly bcos i didnt want to admit that i was vulnerable. That a man with a strong personality like me was abused. It just sounded absurd in my head.
I was never physically abused, no. But every time I said “no” or “I’m not in the mood” it would be a LOOOONG toxic fight. Magagalit siya, di kami mag uusap, masama akong boyfriend, may kausap akong iba, hindi ko na siya mahal,
So ang mangyayare, papayag nalang ako just for the sake na di magkaron ng issue or away. Papayag nalang ako thinking na maybe it’s one way to save our failing relationship.
But I wasn’t comfortable, I wasn’t happy, I didn’t wanna do it. I didn’t want to be at that moment, at that spot. And every time i think about it and deny it, i know deep down that i was violated.
And I won’t deny it hurt my ego or pride cos i know I shouldn’t have gone through that, i know i deserve the decision to say “no” when it comes to my body.
I know I could’ve been more firm with my no. But when you’re at that moment where you have decide wether to say no and get in a toxic fight for days or just say yes so it can be over with, it’s so much easier to give in.
The sad thing is when i tried to open up about it, na I don’t feel comfortable pagpinepressure ako makipag sex the response i got was
“bakit ka titigasan kung di mo gusto?”
“Di ka naman lalabasan kung di mo rin ginusto”
“Mahawakan lang kita, feeling mo nirarape na kita?”
“bakit ka titigasan kung di mo gusto?”
“Di ka naman lalabasan kung di mo rin ginusto”
“Mahawakan lang kita, feeling mo nirarape na kita?”
Those were the exact words i got when i tried to open up. Sabi niya pa bakit pag ako yung may gusto pumapayag naman siya. But the thing is, sex should be consensual on both sides di ba?
And we were on the verge of break up, we were always fighting kaya i was almost always not in the mood for it,
And fuck until now i still feel bad for speaking up about this bcos the world is going through so much worse, but I needed to get this off my chest kasi feeling ko sasabog ako at habang buhay kong dadalhin to if i dont let it out.
Sexual abuse really comes in all forms. Minsan hindi ka niya sasaktan, pero yung mental abuse, that shit hits different. And we gotta be firm that if we don’t want it, we don’t want it. Don’t let your toxic relationship or partner coerce you into saying yes.
Always remember that coercion is a form of sexual abuse. Kahit boyfriend o girlfriend o asawa mo pa yan, they DO NOT OWE YOU SEX. And the moment you start to pressure them is the moment you become a sexual abuser.
P.S. I’m still a fucking freak in bed, but only if I want to.
Typical abuser approach kapag naeexpose lol
