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I'd like to talk for a moment about @izs's thread on kids and privilege. I'd like to tell you about how he actually saw something real, but being what he is, he found a way to center real problems on himself.
Maybe this will be helpful for talking to other men about privilege.
Maybe this will be helpful for talking to other men about privilege.
When you become a parent as a healthy and well-off cis person, your life changes dramatically. You suddenly have to worry about bathrooms, ramps for your stroller, how random people will react to you and your kid, their judgement of your interactions, and a lot more.
As such a parent, you briefly become a tourist into the world that other folks without your privilege feel. Can't get your stroller around the store? Gendered bathroom expectations make it very awkward/impossible to change your baby? People angry at your child's presence, etc.
The right reaction to being that kind of tourist is to say, "Wow, I didn't think about this but this world is really unjust. If I am struggling this much with a stroller, what must it be like for wheelchair users in this store?"
Or maybe, "Wow, why aren't there any changing tables in the men's restrooms here? People's expectations about my gender have made my life much harder than it needs to be!"
Perhaps you might say, "These people keep glaring at my child who is crying, but there isn't much I can do about this behavior. This is stressful, and my stress scares my baby, making it worse! Maybe folks with acute anxiety symptoms experience this cycle?"
We could name other changes wealthy, able-bodied parents experience that might give them a brief drive through a less privileged life.
For folks who aren't as fortunate as @izs, its bears repeating that they find parenting to be a bigger challenge.
For folks who aren't as fortunate as @izs, its bears repeating that they find parenting to be a bigger challenge.
But @izs failed to realize this. He correctly identified that there was privilege in play, but rather than reflect on what it really meant he concluded, "No, I'm a victim here and that's as far as it goes."
It's uh, a real shame he couldn't have thought a bit outside himself.
It's uh, a real shame he couldn't have thought a bit outside himself.
It's pretty easy for a privileged parties to fail to make this step, which is why people often don't. But maybe we can all use @izs's faceplant on this hellsite as a lesson to remind us that empathy is pretty important and its lessons are all around us if we're paying attention.
