watching Conan w/ @eigenrobot

( @TRULY_DOZING)

men with bangs are just really funny to me

bitch why didn't you RUN WHILE THE DUDES WERE DISTRACTED

eigen and I are negotiating our various responsibilities and priorities should our village ever be razed

he is permitted to fight/die to buy us time to get away

Conan ain't skipping leg day

nice

long hair on strong men: yes

bangs: no

the legs are compensating and the bone headband thing is hiding the bangs so I'll deal I guess

"he began to realize his sense of worth...he mattered"

tfw fights to the death are better than therapy

aw he's being nice to the lady they threw in his cage

oh

sort of

some real mishima vibes here tbh

are men okay

I mean I'm digging this movie and women are certainly not okay I'm just asking the other side of the aisle here

why'd they let him go I really don't understand

love when skilled protagonist just fucking faceplants

he needs a terrifying wife

enjoying the very tactile aesthetic

no don't do it this wife is too terrifying

women only act like that towards strange men who stumble into their camp if they know something you don't about how much danger you're in buddy

don't stick your dick in crazy is a thing for a REASON

oh she turned into a ball of fire that's normal

this movie has remarkable everything for something so silly

aw male friendship

I swear

I will do everything in my power to make sure my future kids have access to healthy homosocial groups

hate when I get drunk and punch a camel

aha another terrifying woman

this one looks more sane

proper amount of disdain upon meeting

I love this woman

conan can wife her

oh my god why are you stealing the ruby in the center of the room

this man is NOT genre-savvy

christ that's a big snake

god I miss movies with physical special effects

replacing all of it w/CG was a MISTAKE

this thief lady has remarkable physical presence

she's hot but not unrealistically hot

but she just owns the entire space she's in

"Do you want to live forever?!"

I love her

aw she has a cute nose bump

I have a nose bump

12yo me needed this movie

tits

the sex scenes in this movie are very well done

not pornographic but extremely erotic

you don't need to be graphic you just need to understand atmosphere and chemistry

girl I would Not wear your stolen wares around your neck

oh fuck is she gonna die no don't

omg she's such a dork

I really thought I would be indulging eigen by watching this I didn't expect it to be so fun

Schwarzenegger is great at communicating with very few words

noooo he left her

:(

@eigenrobot if you run away to seek revenge take me with you gdi

unless we have kids then sorry no revenge for you

this wizard understands the importance of looking unhinged as a self defense method

this movie has plenty of racial diversity and isn't heavy handed about it

take note hollywood

eigen: "this movie is shitting on hippies so hard"

"this is the Thulsa Doom Autonomous Zone"

he's getting felt up by one of the dude hippies now

feels like someone is working out some feelings about run-ins with hippies by making this movie

lol he punched him

"why are you afraid to bare yourself"

conan: *punch*

hippie ritual lady: "what do you see"

Conan, desperately bullshitting: "uuuuh infinity"

lady: "good."

yeah the writer has definitely been to a certain kind of party imo

this reminds me of the time my ex husband, his buddy who was an army vet, and I all went to a bday party for their college friend and it was almost entirely gay furries

the army buddy was basically Conan here

Thulsa Doom followers: "imma look Badass and wear this snake"

the snakes: *are ball pythons and baby boas*

hmm very prometheus moment here

eigen: "also jesus and odin*

this movie is such good mythmaking

his lady saved him yay

"I will sacrifice whatever to your dumb gods to save my large dumb husband"

hate when buddies tattoo ritual magic on my face when i pass out at the party

ah yes i knew he wouldn't die in a narratively unsatisfying way

terrifying thief wife: "you can do a JOB or you can get revenge you can't do both"

conan, silently: "hmmmm"

omg the guy playing the wizard also voiced Iroh !!

does Conan have so little dialogue bc Arnold or is that a coincidence?

is thulsa doom really turning into a snake

come on man

I think snakes' main advantage in combat is their effect on the human psyche and I guess we already established that mindfuckery is his kind of play

the reason conan didn't die when the giant column fell down is that his wife likes his long hair

Eigen: "that was the best way of breaking up an orgy I've ever seen"

he has SNAKES AS ARROWS

he is so extra

he is doomed

fuck the thief wife died and they already used the wizard's favor from the gods

thulsa doom is dead now

I would not marry a Conan I prefer a different kind of husband but Conan is a good boy

phone died during the last battle scene

thoughts:

seems there is a pretty sharp divide between ppl who really dig being a member of an audience of a cult leader and ppl who want to behead the cult leader

also lmao at the dejected cultists awkwardly going home at the end

extremely glad he did not bone the princess bc she's a pussy and would not go to valhalla nor save him on the battlefield

I did like their bonding moment at the end like "yeah that dude really fucked with us didn't he"