Alright, I’m tipsy and worn out from this week and am gonna watch and tweet Star Wars IX. Yes, I know that absolutely nobody asked me to. Let’s go.

Alright so if Kyle Ren wasn’t emo enough he found a weird Matrix/Borg triangle thing. Alright. We are First Order, I guess.

Kyle Ren is the most petulant villain. “I kIlLeD sNokE aND wIlL kILl yOu tOo.” Lmao go home Kylo, it’s past your bedtime.

MAKE POE AND FINN A COUPLE YOU COWARDS. Stupid corporate Disney with their heteronormative ideas. Ugh, I’ve already had a bottle of wine and am seven minutes in.....

An Australian alien??? Finally some representation. Also, these First Order space suits are awesome Does this put me on the dark side?

Glad to know Anakin’s face has survived all this time. This movie is so Disney I already can’t take it seriously. Were there no good writers for hire??

Oh my god...IT’S ONLY BEEN 11 MINUTES?!? Alright, imma have to only tweet my good opinions.

BB-8 is the only good thing about this movie so far and he doesn’t even talk.

Okay so far this movie is if Swiss Family Robinson met Syndrome from The Incredibles.

The writers are trying to make these super emotional lines land, but I am 0% convinced these characters care about each other and have little emotional attachment to them.

Wow-we, kylo got a makeover. His helmet looks like an early 2000s phone case I used to have

Stormtrooper jet packs? Well, the positive of nobody following this thread is that I could just stop watching this mess...

If I were in this movie I would’ve just walked away at this point lol. Setting up a trading post on Hoth or something to get away from this nonsense.

Ok sorry, gonna give it a chance I guess.

Aw, new droid looks like a mini-Clone. 12/10.

So far the best part of this movie is when they go see Baba Frik, because these scenes actually have DEPTH. The new Star Wars movies try to have way too big of a scope, which leads to underdevelopment.

For all its flaw, there are some great discussions on consent. The new droid says “no thank you” to Ray and she doesn’t touch it. Poe asks Zorii if he can kiss her and doesn’t push it. I dig it.

Okay so an hour in this movie is just now finding a decent pace. Pretty sure you could cut most of what came before and it would be 10x better.

Ok what’s his-red-head is the space? Didn’t see that coming. Also anyone who watches this and doesn’t think Poe and Finn are a couple is in DEEP denial.

Rey’s a Palpatine??? Gag, that’s shit writing.

IM ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH?!! Anyone who watched this in theatres is seriously a champ.

I’m so over this movie, but am gonna push through for my approximately 0 fans.

Alright, I got vodka to help me power through. Proposition: a Mandalorian-esque show about these Stormtroopers who defected

Okay so Rey being a Palpatine could’ve maybe been a better storyline. But it was delivered poorly. ...ok wait here’s some sorta Sith Rey and another Borg triangle. Nvm it’s a bad plot line.

Do you think Adam Drive talks about his crappy role in Star Wars in his therapy sessions???

Ok this bridge fight scene with Finn yelling at Ray is literally straight out of Thor:Ragnarok. Omg am I a geek now???

Oh look the ghost of Han Solo. I guess they just wanted to do their best to make me cry. But this convo is every parent with their emo-teenager just trying to break through.

Hi, just checking in again to say that Finn and Poe are in love and I am way here for it

Oh look Luke’s flash ass finally decided to show up and stop being a deadbeat.

“bEcAuSE yOuRe a pAlPaTiNE”. Get off and find a decent story line.

Do you think Mark Hamil talks about his crappy role in the new Star Wars movies in his therapy sessions?

Proposition: a spin-off with the droids who form a detective agency and solve inter-galactic crimes.

Oh wow! Good to see Charlie from Lost went to some weird space purgatory when he dies.

Okay this trilogy did a grave disservice to Rey’s character.

They had the opportunity to bring so much nuance and depth to her character. But she ended up being so unbelievably flat compared to Anakin and Luke.

Which is just another example of sexism in media but ANYWAY if for some reason you’re still reading this thread or read any of it I owe you a drink.

“Empress PAlPaTiNE???” Literally nobody buys this narrative. Give me a story about a scavenger finding a connection to the force for no reason and challenging the imperial power instead. This is some sort of Jedi=elitism bullshit.