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You’re all absolute sweaties thank you for the input
I think shit just combines you know? I’ve felt bad wrt superficial things lately - fitness, body, looks. You know that boring shit. And then I think I took a knock at work that made me realise I’ve not got things under control the way I thought I might. And then
The next part is very hard to articulate
I know comparisons to others are bad but they come so naturally! So I say all this knowing that it’s bad practice
But seeing someone who has a trait that makes you jealous - be it looks or talent or style - this can lead to an air of confidence on their part that itself becomes a trait I want
So I’m like ‘wow he’s so attractive / good looking / fit’ but also ‘I want his confidence’ which it’s like, well duh of course he’s confident look at him 
Honestly I’d be happy for now with the ability to react to someone taking a photograph of me in a way that doesn’t look awkward af or make me look hideous. Open mouth smiles, poses, where did you learn that??
