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You’re all absolute sweaties thank you for the input
I think shit just combines you know? I’ve felt bad wrt superficial things lately - fitness, body, looks. You know that boring shit. And then I think I took a knock at work that made me realise I’ve not got things under control the way I thought I might. And then
The next part is very hard to articulate
I know comparisons to others are bad but they come so naturally! So I say all this knowing that it’s bad practice
But seeing someone who has a trait that makes you jealous - be it looks or talent or style - this can lead to an air of confidence on their part that itself becomes a trait I want
So I’m like ‘wow he’s so attractive / good looking / fit’ but also ‘I want his confidence’ which it’s like, well duh of course he’s confident look at him 
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Honestly I’d be happy for now with the ability to react to someone taking a photograph of me in a way that doesn’t look awkward af or make me look hideous. Open mouth smiles, poses, where did you learn that??
