The last 2-3 weeks at least half a dozen friends and colleagues have lost family members, I think all parents. As far as I know none of them were directly from COVID diagnoses but some definitely were impacted by COVID-related complications like travel restrictions.

A close friend was telling me how my experience with my dad’s death, and dealing with the financial aftermath, helped her prepare her family for having those difficult conversations and get as much sorted as possible before it was too late.

Another friend hasn’t ever really grappled with the death of someone they’re very close to before, and their first big loss being a parent is especially awful. And their parent was relatively young, compared to mine, so they hoped to not have to deal with that for a while yet.

Loss of a parent is a weird thing to feel like you have experience in. Like ah, yes, that particular life experience, got that one checked off the list in my early 20s. Here’s my laundry list of things you didn’t think to ask before but definitely need to know. Hope it helps.

Even before this, earlier in the quarantine, I’ve been thinking a lot about my father. Wondering how he would have reacted to all this. Being glad I don’t have to find out. But in particular, now that I think about it, it’s because of all the cooking I’m doing.

One of the things that led to the final decline in his health was contracting c. diff. at the hospital while being treated for pneumonia. It got to where eating was such an ordeal he didn’t have an appetite for anything.

My Korean grandmother always said when old people stop eating, it won’t be long before they pass. My mother and I would do whatever we could to whet his appetite. And my mother, bless her, cooks some things very well but those things can be numbered on two hands.

I’d taken an interest in cooking in college but this is when I really started figuring out some basic techniques. He would always humor us with a bite of this or that, but it was such a victory when I would land on something that would lead to a mostly clean plate.

The perfect caramelized onions, sweetened with Splenda for his diabetes, over a bed of just-right scrambled eggs on toast. Rainier cherry pie with buttermilk crust for desert, or warmed up for beeakfast with cream poured on top. Homemade hashbrowns crisped just the way he liked.

Collard greens slow cooked with ham hocks, with butterbeans, skillet cornbread, fresh tomatoes, & a cold glass of buttermilk. Hamburger steak with mushroom pan gravy and buttery mashed potatoes. Stroganoff, like the kind he first had stationed in Germany as a young man.

I learned a lot those last few months, and then a lot more, after.

There’s not a point to this thread, except thinking out loud about these things that have been on my mind, & wishing I could make big batches of comfort food for all my friends experiencing loss right now.