I just caught a side glance of myself walking by a mirror. I look like a bartender at a fraternity kickball tournament and I am disgusted with myself.

I look like the second guy kicked off an episode of Hell’s Kitchen while he was laughing at the first guy.

I look like the barista at the hole in the wall coffee joint that blasts Citizen Dick and gets your order wrong every time completely on purpose because it’s cool to be bad at my job.

I look like the guy who is too old to be this stupid and is constantly getting yelled at for puting everyone in dangerous situations on a fishing boat.

I look like I’d be the cook at Le Tub, and I’m definitely not wearing a shirt or shoes in that towel closet sized kitchen.