I realized today that I was diagnosed with epilepsy 20 years ago. Twenty fucking years.

Twenty years of:
Caution
Pain
Stress
Disappointment
Tests
Medication changes
Depression
Hopelessness
Anxiety
Scars
And SEIZURES.

I'm probably missing some but theres a list.

I have never been "seizure free".
I cant drive so I'm dependent on others.
I've been denied disability even though my doctor agrees I should not be on it.

I have to be careful at what I can do when it comes to entertainment.
Certain movies, games and events I cant attend.

When it comes to insurance and medication it's been an extremely stressful and emotional rollercoaster.

After I lost Medicaid at 21 I was able to be on my dads insurance until 26. After that I've had no insurance.
I rely on assistance programs.

This is American health care.

I'm always afraid people dont believe me when I say I feel some seizure activity. Since I'll get twitchy and space out, I dont want people thinking I'm just using my epilepsy as an excuse. The same with my fibro which has progressively gotten worse over 13 years.

I lost most of my childhood memories. Hell, I've lost most of my memories period.
The medication owns my brain functionality for the most part. I'm on three and on the highest dosages I can be on.
It makes it difficult to play games which involves quick thinking sometimes.

The point of this thread is to tell you guys about the last 20 years and roughly what I've gone through.
I left a lot out but that's ok.

I dont want this to be an "oh poor me" thing. Please dont think it is. I'm stronger because of it. I'd rather you think that.