1/x There’s only one reason I’d ever want to be president: the navel-gazing academic in me fantasizes that it would be like having the greatest personal tutors in the world. By that I mean this:

2/x Right now in the federal there’s a person whose job is to know the mating rituals of the naked mole rat; another person’s job is to know the poetic oral traditions of Southwest Native American tribes; another person’s job is to know the lineage of nuclear submarine propulsion

3/x And the one thing that makes nerdy folks lovable and infuriating is that if you give them any opening they will talk your ear off about the thing the object of their affection: “yes I’m dying to hear you talk for the next hour about Coltrane’s A Love Supreme.

4/x I know being President means your time is limited but, if you wanted to, you could use part of your time learning shit. You could even abuse your office by, say, claiming for national security reasons you needed Claudia Rankine to give you a poetry reading in the Oval Office

5/5 So, as elitist as this makes me sound, I’ll never get over the fact that the current occupant of the WH appears to spent all of his time watching Fox and hitting a little golf ball. Not his greatest sin, mind you, but what a fucking waste.