tw: ptsd, traumatic events & abuse, and memory loss

i’ve been thinking a lot about trauma and effects on memories lately. i went through a lot of trauma in my teenage years and early 20s, including being sent away (which lasted 15 months), and barely remember those years.

tw: abuse

there was a lot of emotional abuse (gaslighting, extreme surveillance, weaponizing our peers against us, covert conversion therapy, etc), some physical abuse, and i also am a survivor of sexual abuse.

but i only remember a lot of it because of photos of the time that jog my memory, or talking to others, or reading what i wrote down. entire months — years, even — are blacked out. i barely remember anything from being basically... 15 to...20? and a lot of 20-24, is fuzzy, too.

this is what our brains do. it’s normal, and is partially protective. but it can be disconcerting, as well, when triggers remind you of things you forgot or buried deep — things that created lasting PTSD that you deal with all the time, even subconsciously.

anyway, if you have lost huge chunks of time in your life to traumatic events and struggle to remember things or make certain connections, you’re not alone. pretty sure your brain is trying to protect you, even if it can be frustrating. ptsd is tough but so are you.