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Let's talk selfies.
I've noticed a pattern as I get more familiar with the tics and nuances of social media. The pattern relates to the correlation of selfies posted versus creepy messages and comments received in exchange.
I've noticed a pattern as I get more familiar with the tics and nuances of social media. The pattern relates to the correlation of selfies posted versus creepy messages and comments received in exchange.
It becomes evident, the more photos of your face you take and make publicly available, that this is sending out some sort of subliminal 'message'. That message seems to be: 'You have posted a photo of yourself. This is a signal I can now tell you how that photo makes me feel.'
Which, in itself, is okay, right? I've done it myself. When a friend posts a selfie, I am usually swept away by how lovely they look and plaster comments like '
' or 'fitttt' or 'I am living for your hairrr' and stuff like that.
' or 'fitttt' or 'I am living for your hairrr' and stuff like that.
Usually, these comments are reserved for very close and good friends I've known for a long time where we have a mutual appreciation for each other's loveliness and feel safe and comfortable both giving and receiving those kind of remarks.
Except.
Except.
What tends to happen in reality is, that the more pictures of my face I post to my public profiles, the more messages I get along the following lines:
'Please can you send me pics of your feet' (I once posted a pic of my pedicure in total naivety)
'Hey baby'
'I think you should post more bikini shots' (I did actually post a bikini shot I was really proud of, from a brilliant time in my life I wanted to remember. Regretted that)
'Hey baby'
'I think you should post more bikini shots' (I did actually post a bikini shot I was really proud of, from a brilliant time in my life I wanted to remember. Regretted that)
'You're hot, do you like it rough'
'Slut'
'You think you're so important don't you'
These comments are often followed up with comments about how people have bought my books, so I then often feel obligated to not reply angrily and sometimes even feel I have to say thank you.
'Slut'
'You think you're so important don't you'
These comments are often followed up with comments about how people have bought my books, so I then often feel obligated to not reply angrily and sometimes even feel I have to say thank you.
And so on.
I learned very quickly to disable DMs on Twitter and so most of these are now limited to Insta, and I am also fairly sure at least a few of these each week are bots. But.
But.
I learned very quickly to disable DMs on Twitter and so most of these are now limited to Insta, and I am also fairly sure at least a few of these each week are bots. But.
But.
It's not uncommon for me to see a message request (weekly/daily occurrence) and clench internally. Why? Because there is a fifty fifty chance it'll be something lewd and unsolicited PURELY as a result of me posting a picture of my face for the wider world to engage with.
Now, here's the thing.
I'm not going to stop posting pictures of my face.
Why?
I'm not going to stop posting pictures of my face.
Why?
Because sometimes, I want to remind myself of a good day, or a bad day, or a momentous occasion.
Sometimes I want to put my face next to my book (on a mercenary level, these posts tend to lead to more book sales).
Sometimes I want to put my face next to my book (on a mercenary level, these posts tend to lead to more book sales).
Sometimes I want to share if I feel good about how I look, which is shallow, but fuck it, everyone does it.
Sometimes I want the freedom to take a photo of my own fucking face and share it publicly because IT'S MY FACE.
Sometimes I want the freedom to take a photo of my own fucking face and share it publicly because IT'S MY FACE.
Why am I talking about this now? Why should anyone care? Well, I don't know. Maybe its because my community has been rocked by allegations of abuse and inappropriate behaviour,and as someone who has routinely been on the receiving end of that kind of stuff, its affected me.
Maybe it's because it feels like a slippery slope, one minute an unwelcome message, the next minute, you're being grabbed at a convention.
Point is: selfies are not a signal that it's ok to behave in a certain way. They are not permission to be lewd. EVEN IF you can see my tits in a photo. Because my tits are attached to my actual body, and I don't want to cover them just to avoid other people's lack of self control
It's not our responsibility to hide our faces and our bodies so that other people act appropriately.
So that, there, at the top of the thread...that's my face.
Deal.
It's not there as a challenge or a come-on.
It's literally just my face.
So that, there, at the top of the thread...that's my face.
Deal.
It's not there as a challenge or a come-on.
It's literally just my face.
