Today is my autistic rebirthday. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🦋" title="Schmetterling" aria-label="Emoji: Schmetterling">It’s been a rollercoaster since I was diagnosed. Still haven’t worked through most of what I’m feeling.I joined Twitter last month, to meet other autistic people (hi https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😀" title="Grinsendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Grinsendes Gesicht">)now feel safe enough to say I’m recovering from a major autistic burnout /1

that could’ve finished me off, which started months ago-but I’m still feeling the effects of. Simple stuff I now find very hard.I don’t remember words currently, can’t maintain a conversation without forgetting what is being said.Memory. Most things terrify me more than before /2

to. I feel like a snail https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🐌" title="Schnecke" aria-label="Emoji: Schnecke"> whose shell has been forcibly removed and now I’m a big sluggy-mess, over sensitive to everything, desperately trying to find a rock to crawl under until I feel better or get a new shell. /3

I still mask heavily when I have to,don’t know how not to. Walk around with a fixed grin. I’ve even made a career out of masking.Pretending to be other people.
Some people in my life still haven’t fully accepted I’m autistic.I feel like I can’t talk about it around them. /4

Others have been amazing though https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😊" title="Lächelndes Gesicht mit lächelnden Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Lächelndes Gesicht mit lächelnden Augen">. And without support from the fantastic people at @autismwestmids I honestly don’t know where I’d be now. I’ve had autistic burnouts before, big ones where I’ve shut down but this one feels different. /5

I don’t know how to “get my spoons back” this time. (I’d been using wooden chip forks for years! Metaphorically speaking https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😆" title="Lächelndes Gesicht mit geöffnetem Mund und fest verschlossenen Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Lächelndes Gesicht mit geöffnetem Mund und fest verschlossenen Augen">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😬" title="Grimasse schneidendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Grimasse schneidendes Gesicht">) Any suggestions from #ActuallyAutistic people would be really appreciated. /6

Sorry for the massive essay! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😬" title="Grimasse schneidendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Grimasse schneidendes Gesicht">Bye https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👋🏾" title="Waving hand (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Waving hand (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)"> xxxx