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I have a bad coping mechanism of entering people’s lives to show them I’m okay then leave to go continue my isolation. Having people worried or caring for me is so fucking burdensome, I could never learn otherwise 
You’d catch me ignoring phone calls and texts for days, sometimes weeks or months. Then you’d simultaneously catch me being all “okay” and “happy” posting on social medias then it’ll lead to you misinterpreting my actions and mental conditions. This is my life and this is how
I lose friends and why I’m single.
But I’ve also made really fucking good friends that understands me and take me for the way I am that dont pester me or take my absence and need of isolation personally and I’m so thankful to them.
I guess at the end of the day, I’m never made to have anyone. I’m bound to enjoy my own presence all by myself and I have got to learn to be okay with that.
Anyhow, today’s prentend to be okay episode has run its course, peace out. Suns going down, time to purge and cry my fucking heart out then go see umar.
One of the few OGs. I wrote this thread thinking about him because he calls me the most and gets ignored the most but today I tried but I also couldnt do it so I called back.
