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Cried my eyes out in my room after having the most intense conversation about LGBTQ with my own mother.
It all started with her asking me about the whole Unilever fiasco thatâs happening.
I explained how Unilever and so many other companies are showing support for the LGBTQ community because itâs pride month.
I explained how Unilever and so many other companies are showing support for the LGBTQ community because itâs pride month.
She must have seen my Facebook post regarding that because she then told me to not continually show support for the LGBTQ community.
"Ngapain sih ngepost-ngepost tentang itu? Biasa aja ga usah sampe dipost. Kalau orang-orang mikirnya kamu iya gimana?"
"Ngapain sih ngepost-ngepost tentang itu? Biasa aja ga usah sampe dipost. Kalau orang-orang mikirnya kamu iya gimana?"
My mother has always been homophobic and to be fair I don't blame her for that.
She was raised at a time when homosexuality was perceived as a "disease".
She was raised at a time when homosexuality was perceived as a "disease".
"Laki kok sama laki? Ga normal dong," she shouted at me.
And I proceeded to tell her that homosexuality IS scientifically and medically normal. "Memangnya kamu suka sama laki-laki?!"
And I proceeded to tell her that homosexuality IS scientifically and medically normal. "Memangnya kamu suka sama laki-laki?!"
That wasn't the first time she asked me that particular question btw.
Since I feel that the time is not right (I could definitely get kicked out of the house or even worse), I denied it as per usual.
Since I feel that the time is not right (I could definitely get kicked out of the house or even worse), I denied it as per usual.
Throughout this conversation, she didn't want to look me in the eyes somehow. I could sense the fear and insecurity coming from her.
I explained to her that "when you're straight, you know you're straight, same goes with when you're gay"
I explained to her that "when you're straight, you know you're straight, same goes with when you're gay"
Growing up she would always tell me not to make friends with homosexuals because apparently according to her it's "contagious".
As I was explaining to her as to why I believe it's important to speak up for those who are discriminated, she cut me off in the most shocking way.
As I was explaining to her as to why I believe it's important to speak up for those who are discriminated, she cut me off in the most shocking way.
She told me to simply stop talking. "STOP! Udah STOP!!!"
I was puzzled. I asked her why and she told me that I was "talking too much" and that she "didn't wanna hear more".
I told her that it was weird for her to just abruptly cut me as we were having a discussion.
I was puzzled. I asked her why and she told me that I was "talking too much" and that she "didn't wanna hear more".
I told her that it was weird for her to just abruptly cut me as we were having a discussion.
She looked at me, pointed a finger at me with her eyes wide opened and said, "kalo gue mau lo diem, lo mau apa hah?!"
And I was torn :(
And I was torn :(
It was very her to respond in that manner. But when it comes to this particular matter, it hit differently.
I responded by telling her that I will never stop showing my support for those who are discriminated because everyone is equal regardless of ANYTHING.
I responded by telling her that I will never stop showing my support for those who are discriminated because everyone is equal regardless of ANYTHING.
I was trying to keep my composure but deep inside I was a mess.
I went on to explain to her about the importance of representation and how the media (holding the power to shape and influence our minds) is to be blame for the incorrect portrayal of the LGBTQ community all these years.
And I also told her that I didn't care about what others might think of me (because of a Facebook post), unlike her who would always worry of how people would perceive here.
"Itu pikiran kamu aja mama kayak gitu. Mama sih orangnya cuek aja," she replied.
"Itu pikiran kamu aja mama kayak gitu. Mama sih orangnya cuek aja," she replied.
We were having a technician and two repairmen over at our house during this conversation, and as I continued talking she asked me to talk "quieter" because we had "other people around".
Ironic.
Ironic.
I ended the conversation by telling her that my younger brother is also on the same page as me when it comes to supporting the LGBTQ community just to show her that I'm not the oddball in this household and she didn't say anything.
I went straight to my room, called bae and I was sobbing over the phone. It was painful.
The amount of hatred that she exuded was just too much. I was completely overwhelmed. I cried so much that my head hurts up until now.
The worst part has got to be the fact that I had to wear my mask throughout this conversation. That made it worse tbh.
I'm sharing this with you all because I find Twitter as my safe space. I have come to know some of the most inspiring Indonesian queer figures as well as incredible allies here 
If you've reached this point, I thank you for listening. I mean it.
This will remain as one of my biggest struggles in life but to know that I have people (IRL and virtually!) who do accept me for who I am is beyond anything.
This will remain as one of my biggest struggles in life but to know that I have people (IRL and virtually!) who do accept me for who I am is beyond anything.
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH Y'ALL. Imma leave you with @rinasawayama's "Chosen Family" cuz that's what y'all are to me.
#Pride 
#Pride2020 https://open.spotify.com/track/6GHoddehRDGxilfWRzksix?si=COXGUIsYQyCzRBIwXbd0_g
#Pride #Pride2020 https://open.spotify.com/track/6GHoddehRDGxilfWRzksix?si=COXGUIsYQyCzRBIwXbd0_g
Couldnât help but to sob again (this time happy tears!!) after reading your words of encouragement, love, & support overflowing my notifications & DM tabs.
Thank you so much. I mean it with all my heart. Hereâs to progress & a more inclusive society wherever you are
Thank you so much. I mean it with all my heart. Hereâs to progress & a more inclusive society wherever you are
